I get up this morning after my "only once a month" *sleep in* {you know those sleep in's, that are really just seen as "awesome, Mums in one spot, lets hassle the crap out of her" aka teddy in face, snot wiped on tshirt &/or doona, and that horrible word we hate on those mornings spoken about a thousand times, yes, the 'Mum' word!!} anyway, I walk into the kitchen for my 'hello world' coffee, that is after wading through the gauntlet that would be the kids toys strewn across the lounge room floor and what do I walk into!??
Youngest miss is sitting eating breakfast with a full fro that appears to have been styled via cereal milk, wearing a christmas tinsel scarf, her pants are off {our 'nudie' child} and she had the most amazing 'pretty' art penned/texta'd up and down her legs {insert completely unimpressed face here}.. Two steps into the kitchen and lil'miss breaks out into a grin that would put the Cheshire cat to shame. She gives me a wave and her (seriously ugly) pirate face wink when she see's me, so much joy!! Then I realised, it is not necessarily natural, and comes in all probability from her being sugared up to the eyeballs, as Dad has broken out his secret stash of Coco Pops as a weekend treat.. that of course, both the younger ones are happily tucking into..
The slightly older lad is sitting grinning next to her, he has a 'cat in the hat' hi-top hat, half a batman costume haphazardly put on and a chocolate milk beard... He also has what appears to be a piece of Vegemite toast stuck to his arm, undoubtedly from where he lent in it with his elbows on his plate.. That one thing my kids just cannot seem to grasp, do not lean in or on your food..!! He's warbling on about some crap that my as of yet squinty uncrossed eyes and ears are unable to focus upon to really understand and I have to hold up the hands of defeat.. 'Stopppp'.. They all laugh at me..
The teens are nowhere to be seen, although this is not unusual, the noise in my house see's them scurry off into the abysses of their uber cool yet semi smelly teen caves.. Obviously trying to drown out the chaos with what appears to possibly be the musical sounds, the sounds of some kind of feral cat mating ritual and I'm sure would make one's ears bleed, yet I have been sarcastically informed it is in fact THE BEST music ever made *shudder*..
Anyway, I'm allowed a 3 minute respite.. I get a few sips of black gold in and in attempting to seat myself I manage to get an army guy wedged up my arse, 'good morning!' and then it begins again, the onslaught of garbled kiddy convo.. Master 5 has just reminded me (10x in the same sentence) about the large canvas and paint project we've been talking about.. I promised we'd do it this weekend, before his 6th birthday, which happens to be tomorrow, and I'm pretty sure he's not going to let me get away with not doing it.. I'm looking at the soaking dishes, a baby bottle (with a little milk in it) sitting atop an oily frypan, and the three loads of washing sitting in baskets by the backdoor thinking sure a huge messy paint project is exactly what this picture needs :/
Dad's walking around feathers all fluffed up, proud as punch, see what I did, I let you sleep in AND looked after the kids AND I've done the dishes AND done the washing *ahem, saying 'done' implies completed, of which it clearly is not* AND his piece de resistance, I reminded Little mister about the cool day you've got planned with the paints too.. Yes *gritted teeth* look what you've done.. Damn you darrrrrrllliing, Damn you to hell..
All of a sudden I hear it "right, my job is done, I'm off for a surf!! Have a great day".. Um, what the hell.. You mean after I've cleaned up after you're cleaning up attempts.. Plus the cleaning kids etc etc..
Well yes, I am going to have a great day.. The dishes can wait till you've finished surfing m'dear, the teens have head phones which will enable music listening whilst hanging out clothes, and my younger ferals are already filthy so let's get our art on.. Beautiful warm sunshiney day, might just hose them down and water the garden at the same time.. Two birds!!
I know what it is with Dad's.. Care factor.. Today mine has hit dad zone, so stuff it.. Let play.. :D
Mama, Madly xxx
Saturday, 13 October 2012
Thursday, 11 October 2012
Sometimes when is enough.... Enough?
So another day off work tomorrow because my poor little man {as much of a little monster as he's being atm} is in such a lost space, it's breaking my heart.. He just cannot quieten his head or soul.. I dont talk 'serious' or about my real waking life so much when it comes to this blog or to my beautiful disabled little man, but at the moment my life is completely consumed by this. It is my life. My every waking hour, and I dont have much else to talk about... No 5yr old deserves to be in this type of internal hell..
He lost his (I could say shit, but i'll opt for>>) emotions, so very badly tonight I rang and cancelled work tomorrow in hopes of keeping him home. The hysterical onslaught that followed from him, before and after the phone call was indescribable.. I, Blaise, actually have no words.. To calm him, I had to sit for an hour and a half and stroke his hair, talk soft, garbled, monotone crap and rock him until his hysterical sobbing subsided.. That is not an easy feat, not when your nerves are sitting on the edge of a sharp steep precipice and you feel like you, yourself, could join the hysteria with your own emotional outpouring!
Maybe I should explain.. My 5yr old lad, the one with Cerebral Palsy and Aspergers(Autism) We'll call him Mr.E, has just been taken off some seriously heavy anti-psychotic drugs they use on occasion to control behavioural issues.. Why was he on them you ask?? Well I'm asking myself the same question.. I fought against them for over 3yrs, but finally caved when he became so out of control he actually had panic in his eyes when he wanted to stop but was unable to control or stop himself.. I figured 'respite', he needs respite.. From himself, his emotions, thoughts and the world as HE knows it.. I hoped it would work, and it did. For a little while. Until it didn't!
Once it stopped working, the downward slide was fast, and steep... ADD on speed, he bounced from wall to wall like flubber.. Never stopping, uncontrolled movement and thought, consistent nonsensical speech that ended in conversations being had with either his own self or talking at anyone or everyone within the family in such a repetitive tone that you physically felt unable to say 'yes, no or explain something, again, for the 567th time' knowing full well the question would be asked again.. When he's with friends, he's fine.. Busy is the key.. but 4 kids, a job, a business and a home to manage find my busy, and his busy just dont coincide..
When the twitching and stuttering began, the realisation that it {the drugs} were actually becoming an issue instead of a cure-all, we knew they had to go!! My little boy, Mr.E, has the most beautiful soul you could meet in a child, he has the most caring, gentlest, compassionate nature and these drugs did the opposite, instead of quieting his mind, they dulled his heart and soul and set his head on fire.. Being the only child we (and all his specialists) know of in the world to have survived not only 22+ strokes and West's (degenerative epilepsy) Syndrome, it was always likely a bad reaction may take place, but for christsake!!!!!! Give him a break!!!! And me, us, our family, our life!!!
What can I do aside from make him our priority?? He's my love, my baby, my heart and soul, but when does enough become enough.. When will the universe allow us to separate from this life where neither can exist as individuals. As, Blaise aka "Mum" & Mr.E "superhero".. Unable to seperate, me because my heart & mama soul won't let me, him because his body can't let him,.. When do we get a break, from ourselves and each other, that we so desperately deserve!!!??
Yes, my lad has issues, he tends to scream a lot, and I know people feel sorry for us (don't, it really shits me) compassion? yes. Pity? No.. He's pretty damn amazing, he's come so far, achieved so much and I know this is just another 'down time' another dip before the peak of the breakthrough wave I will ride to victory with Mr.E {again} I guess it just feels so dark and desolate when your there, I've been here before, I've gotten out of it on a high, it's been golden many times in between, I haven't lost the hope. I'm just over that question, the one that screams in my brain, the enough question, wondering if there's ever an answer? Or if it's a question without an answer!!!???
To add insult to injury, a big issue for me/us/Mr.E at the moment, which is causing him distress, is that his school cannot cater for him to do the school swimming program unless his Dad and/or I have a working with children check, take time off work(s) (for two days a week for 6wks) and can get in the pool with him (and find alternative care for the baby).. Stuck btw a rock and a hard place!!! Finally have work/shifts, & so want to be there yet needed on the home front for my beautiful boy.. Can't sleep, worrying about losing my job, worried about inability to sleep, worried about my son and his health & life, worried about my inability to provide softness & light to my other kids being affected by this energy that Mr.E is so unnaturally spewing out of his pores, because of this drug come down and possible epilepsy, even the Baby has me up twice a night, completely unsettled.. As for the teens, brilliantly patient, but how much should some so young have to endure, where is their break? their time and energy from me?? Worry, worry, worry..!! Worried about my private FB business, even thats lost it's joy at the moment and feels like everyone on there just wants a piece of me, one that takes my energy away from him and my other kids.. Worried about money, if I can't work how do I pay the gap on MRI's and EEG's scheduled in the next week, you name it, I'm worried about it..
And I'm worried that I'm so worried.. I've never been like this.. Is it all finally catching up with me, maybe enough is when you finally hit a point where you realise enough was at the beginning, when the universe made a decision that your enough didn't have an end.. I have had enough, but not for me, for my boy, and for that insipid question that stresses me out more than any of it.. Enough of the enoughs.. I'm not answerable to you!!!
Tomorrow will always be a better day..
Mama, Madly xxx
He lost his (I could say shit, but i'll opt for>>) emotions, so very badly tonight I rang and cancelled work tomorrow in hopes of keeping him home. The hysterical onslaught that followed from him, before and after the phone call was indescribable.. I, Blaise, actually have no words.. To calm him, I had to sit for an hour and a half and stroke his hair, talk soft, garbled, monotone crap and rock him until his hysterical sobbing subsided.. That is not an easy feat, not when your nerves are sitting on the edge of a sharp steep precipice and you feel like you, yourself, could join the hysteria with your own emotional outpouring!
Maybe I should explain.. My 5yr old lad, the one with Cerebral Palsy and Aspergers(Autism) We'll call him Mr.E, has just been taken off some seriously heavy anti-psychotic drugs they use on occasion to control behavioural issues.. Why was he on them you ask?? Well I'm asking myself the same question.. I fought against them for over 3yrs, but finally caved when he became so out of control he actually had panic in his eyes when he wanted to stop but was unable to control or stop himself.. I figured 'respite', he needs respite.. From himself, his emotions, thoughts and the world as HE knows it.. I hoped it would work, and it did. For a little while. Until it didn't!
Once it stopped working, the downward slide was fast, and steep... ADD on speed, he bounced from wall to wall like flubber.. Never stopping, uncontrolled movement and thought, consistent nonsensical speech that ended in conversations being had with either his own self or talking at anyone or everyone within the family in such a repetitive tone that you physically felt unable to say 'yes, no or explain something, again, for the 567th time' knowing full well the question would be asked again.. When he's with friends, he's fine.. Busy is the key.. but 4 kids, a job, a business and a home to manage find my busy, and his busy just dont coincide..
When the twitching and stuttering began, the realisation that it {the drugs} were actually becoming an issue instead of a cure-all, we knew they had to go!! My little boy, Mr.E, has the most beautiful soul you could meet in a child, he has the most caring, gentlest, compassionate nature and these drugs did the opposite, instead of quieting his mind, they dulled his heart and soul and set his head on fire.. Being the only child we (and all his specialists) know of in the world to have survived not only 22+ strokes and West's (degenerative epilepsy) Syndrome, it was always likely a bad reaction may take place, but for christsake!!!!!! Give him a break!!!! And me, us, our family, our life!!!
What can I do aside from make him our priority?? He's my love, my baby, my heart and soul, but when does enough become enough.. When will the universe allow us to separate from this life where neither can exist as individuals. As, Blaise aka "Mum" & Mr.E "superhero".. Unable to seperate, me because my heart & mama soul won't let me, him because his body can't let him,.. When do we get a break, from ourselves and each other, that we so desperately deserve!!!??
Yes, my lad has issues, he tends to scream a lot, and I know people feel sorry for us (don't, it really shits me) compassion? yes. Pity? No.. He's pretty damn amazing, he's come so far, achieved so much and I know this is just another 'down time' another dip before the peak of the breakthrough wave I will ride to victory with Mr.E {again} I guess it just feels so dark and desolate when your there, I've been here before, I've gotten out of it on a high, it's been golden many times in between, I haven't lost the hope. I'm just over that question, the one that screams in my brain, the enough question, wondering if there's ever an answer? Or if it's a question without an answer!!!???
To add insult to injury, a big issue for me/us/Mr.E at the moment, which is causing him distress, is that his school cannot cater for him to do the school swimming program unless his Dad and/or I have a working with children check, take time off work(s) (for two days a week for 6wks) and can get in the pool with him (and find alternative care for the baby).. Stuck btw a rock and a hard place!!! Finally have work/shifts, & so want to be there yet needed on the home front for my beautiful boy.. Can't sleep, worrying about losing my job, worried about inability to sleep, worried about my son and his health & life, worried about my inability to provide softness & light to my other kids being affected by this energy that Mr.E is so unnaturally spewing out of his pores, because of this drug come down and possible epilepsy, even the Baby has me up twice a night, completely unsettled.. As for the teens, brilliantly patient, but how much should some so young have to endure, where is their break? their time and energy from me?? Worry, worry, worry..!! Worried about my private FB business, even thats lost it's joy at the moment and feels like everyone on there just wants a piece of me, one that takes my energy away from him and my other kids.. Worried about money, if I can't work how do I pay the gap on MRI's and EEG's scheduled in the next week, you name it, I'm worried about it..
And I'm worried that I'm so worried.. I've never been like this.. Is it all finally catching up with me, maybe enough is when you finally hit a point where you realise enough was at the beginning, when the universe made a decision that your enough didn't have an end.. I have had enough, but not for me, for my boy, and for that insipid question that stresses me out more than any of it.. Enough of the enoughs.. I'm not answerable to you!!!
Tomorrow will always be a better day..
Mama, Madly xxx
Wednesday, 19 September 2012
I want to do EVERYTHING!!!! Kind of.....
I want to conquer the world!!! feed the starving children!! Clothe the poor!! bring smiles and warmth to the masses!! Eradicate bigotry and racism!! I want to do everything that is good and just universally so, and I want to do it now..
Well actually I don't really, nice in theory {and my dreams} but in reality I just want to get through one day where I literally tick off every single thing as 'done' on my to do list.. For the moment, I might just attempt to tackle and conquer my definition of 'everything' instead of taking it worldwide..
I'm having some serious groundhog moments at the moment, pardon the pun, where school holidays are looming and my to-do-before-the-craziness-hits-list actually seems to have stuff on it {still..ahem} that was on it 3 lists ago.. what the!!??
I'm going through a funny mid 30's thing at the moment I like to call 'Trying to be a grown up'.. I always thought I'd be so old and wise and so very grown-up at 35 and guess what?? I'm not,and I feel so guilty about it.. I feel so guilty for not being 'perfect' and tidy and organised, and to be honest to actually give a shite about pressed pants and which polish makes my table shine or whether or not I'm up there with the Joneses.. Grown-up Mad Mama would like to be, But real Mad Mama hasn't yet caught up to that reality.. I'm still kicking around in my converse and hoodies, walking on occasion over my floordrobe to get into my bed, and leaving my dishes {yet again} until tomorrow, at some stage, maybe, possibly, um yes ok well..
I wonder, do I procrastinate and lose the wind in my sails on 'full steam ahead' days because on some level I don't want to grow up... No, maybe not.. I do want to be grown up, well I am really, but I have this amazing internal struggle against boring mundane everyday, well just, everyday.. and as for procrastination, like this blog, It always ends up getting done, right?? maybe four weeks later, at 1am in the morning with me in my jim jams but it's done!!! Isn't it!!?? sheesh...
The worst bit about this procrastination and lack of organisation is, I actually thrive if not blossom on routine and orderly virtue.. My house runs like clockwork, my children are happy, my life is less stressed & to be honest I actually get 'everythhing' done and still have time left over.. Give me a wall calendar, a timeline, a fortnightly shopping, cooking and cleaning list and I am one sorted and very grown up mama.. In fact I do believe given a good Rolodex, capable nanny and efficient secretary/time keeper I could quite well be the UN's best secret weapon.. Ever!!
Leave me to my own devices and a to-do list with no actual specifics on exactly how and at what time I am to do anything and i am like a petulant two year old with the virtual foot stomping of "noooo, I don't wanna'.. I am completely utterly hopeless.. And disorganised.. And thoroughly guilt ridden..
Well, I bought new washing baskets today (look back a few blogs to washing basket 101), a filing system, a new page per day diary, a pedometer, storage containers, and five huge pieces of cardboard to make up my next 3mths of calendars, a household roster and a fortnightly meals/shopping list..
I may not conquer world peace, But I am damn well going to conquer my disorganisation shambles..
and the dishes?? yeah well, they are going to have to wait....
Mama, Madly... xo
Well actually I don't really, nice in theory {and my dreams} but in reality I just want to get through one day where I literally tick off every single thing as 'done' on my to do list.. For the moment, I might just attempt to tackle and conquer my definition of 'everything' instead of taking it worldwide..
I'm having some serious groundhog moments at the moment, pardon the pun, where school holidays are looming and my to-do-before-the-craziness-hits-list actually seems to have stuff on it {still..ahem} that was on it 3 lists ago.. what the!!??
I'm going through a funny mid 30's thing at the moment I like to call 'Trying to be a grown up'.. I always thought I'd be so old and wise and so very grown-up at 35 and guess what?? I'm not,and I feel so guilty about it.. I feel so guilty for not being 'perfect' and tidy and organised, and to be honest to actually give a shite about pressed pants and which polish makes my table shine or whether or not I'm up there with the Joneses.. Grown-up Mad Mama would like to be, But real Mad Mama hasn't yet caught up to that reality.. I'm still kicking around in my converse and hoodies, walking on occasion over my floordrobe to get into my bed, and leaving my dishes {yet again} until tomorrow, at some stage, maybe, possibly, um yes ok well..
I wonder, do I procrastinate and lose the wind in my sails on 'full steam ahead' days because on some level I don't want to grow up... No, maybe not.. I do want to be grown up, well I am really, but I have this amazing internal struggle against boring mundane everyday, well just, everyday.. and as for procrastination, like this blog, It always ends up getting done, right?? maybe four weeks later, at 1am in the morning with me in my jim jams but it's done!!! Isn't it!!?? sheesh...
The worst bit about this procrastination and lack of organisation is, I actually thrive if not blossom on routine and orderly virtue.. My house runs like clockwork, my children are happy, my life is less stressed & to be honest I actually get 'everythhing' done and still have time left over.. Give me a wall calendar, a timeline, a fortnightly shopping, cooking and cleaning list and I am one sorted and very grown up mama.. In fact I do believe given a good Rolodex, capable nanny and efficient secretary/time keeper I could quite well be the UN's best secret weapon.. Ever!!
Leave me to my own devices and a to-do list with no actual specifics on exactly how and at what time I am to do anything and i am like a petulant two year old with the virtual foot stomping of "noooo, I don't wanna'.. I am completely utterly hopeless.. And disorganised.. And thoroughly guilt ridden..
Well, I bought new washing baskets today (look back a few blogs to washing basket 101), a filing system, a new page per day diary, a pedometer, storage containers, and five huge pieces of cardboard to make up my next 3mths of calendars, a household roster and a fortnightly meals/shopping list..
I may not conquer world peace, But I am damn well going to conquer my disorganisation shambles..
and the dishes?? yeah well, they are going to have to wait....
Mama, Madly... xo
Sunday, 12 August 2012
Lovers and Train Rides..
The other day my friend asked me advice on love... He just does not understand women..
Well, He thinks he doesn't.. I think he does, but he chooses not to see.. I think it's not always that men don't understand women or vice-versa, I think that it's both women and men do not understand Love..
I'm not claiming to be a guru, I have as much of no idea as everyone else, and just as many failures and wins, but I do understand travel and journeys and destinations... Love is pretty much the same, and easier to understand anyway in any analogy that takes the 'feeling' out of it lest it hurt your heart..
Here's what i said to him;
Relationships are like trains at stations, we hold onto a train at our 'station' that is not actually the right train for us. It won't take us where we want to go, cannot house us on our journey comfortably and we hold on so goddamn tight because we WANT it to be the right train that we can't see we have not only blocked our station, there's no room for our RIGHT train to enter.. The right train who's sitting just outside the platform, patiently waiting their turn to enter into our station, unable to do so because we won't let the wrong train move on....
Now, I didn't make this up, I heard this many moons ago, spoken by a very wise woman who is world renowned and published and in all honesty a bit of a bloody legend..
Anyway, it took me a very long time to understand this concept.. Oh I understood it, but I just didn't 'GET' it.. Getting it takes time.. I think when it comes to love, real love, true love, It can almost feel like you are drowning.. Especially if you've never really felt that strength in your heart before for another.. Its like being out of your depth in the deep end of the pool, and you panic.. You feel like you're struggling to stay afloat and not drown either in the depths of new love, or out of control old love that's hit choppy waters. You grasp and thrash and the relationship or other person feels like they are drowning with you.. My advice??? Let go, take a breath, stop panicking, don't forget when drowning one rolls over on their back QUIETLY without grasping and just floats, just IS,, so let go!! because your panic and control is ruining it for you, and if you let go you might actually keep it alive..
You see Love is about trust.. It's hard to just 'TRUST' the process, but trust you must.. What will be will be, if you're meant to be with him or her you will be, no amount of pushing or pulling it, tugging or suffocating or trying to control it will change it.. Destiny has control so just let it be and trust.. It may fall apart to fall back together properly.. And if it doesn't work it's because something better needs you to make the room for it to enter.. We never think when a relationship breaks down we will be happy again, but fact is we always are, because what comes along or sticks around serves us better, suits us better and if we get the train concept is normally going where we actually want to go, with someone who actually wants to go there with us..
Well that's my take on it anyway.. I never said it was easy though..
Toot, toot..
Mama, Madly...
Well, He thinks he doesn't.. I think he does, but he chooses not to see.. I think it's not always that men don't understand women or vice-versa, I think that it's both women and men do not understand Love..
I'm not claiming to be a guru, I have as much of no idea as everyone else, and just as many failures and wins, but I do understand travel and journeys and destinations... Love is pretty much the same, and easier to understand anyway in any analogy that takes the 'feeling' out of it lest it hurt your heart..
Here's what i said to him;
Relationships are like trains at stations, we hold onto a train at our 'station' that is not actually the right train for us. It won't take us where we want to go, cannot house us on our journey comfortably and we hold on so goddamn tight because we WANT it to be the right train that we can't see we have not only blocked our station, there's no room for our RIGHT train to enter.. The right train who's sitting just outside the platform, patiently waiting their turn to enter into our station, unable to do so because we won't let the wrong train move on....
Now, I didn't make this up, I heard this many moons ago, spoken by a very wise woman who is world renowned and published and in all honesty a bit of a bloody legend..
Anyway, it took me a very long time to understand this concept.. Oh I understood it, but I just didn't 'GET' it.. Getting it takes time.. I think when it comes to love, real love, true love, It can almost feel like you are drowning.. Especially if you've never really felt that strength in your heart before for another.. Its like being out of your depth in the deep end of the pool, and you panic.. You feel like you're struggling to stay afloat and not drown either in the depths of new love, or out of control old love that's hit choppy waters. You grasp and thrash and the relationship or other person feels like they are drowning with you.. My advice??? Let go, take a breath, stop panicking, don't forget when drowning one rolls over on their back QUIETLY without grasping and just floats, just IS,, so let go!! because your panic and control is ruining it for you, and if you let go you might actually keep it alive..
You see Love is about trust.. It's hard to just 'TRUST' the process, but trust you must.. What will be will be, if you're meant to be with him or her you will be, no amount of pushing or pulling it, tugging or suffocating or trying to control it will change it.. Destiny has control so just let it be and trust.. It may fall apart to fall back together properly.. And if it doesn't work it's because something better needs you to make the room for it to enter.. We never think when a relationship breaks down we will be happy again, but fact is we always are, because what comes along or sticks around serves us better, suits us better and if we get the train concept is normally going where we actually want to go, with someone who actually wants to go there with us..
Well that's my take on it anyway.. I never said it was easy though..
Toot, toot..
Mama, Madly...
Thursday, 9 August 2012
Love versus Political correctness
Today my son, just shy of 16, and I went on an adventure..
I am a great Mama, I am a bad mama, whatever the world wants to see, I am his Mama, and he is my baby bear..
Today my biggest boy Zaine and I went and got inked.. Arrrgghhhh, I hear so silently coming from those that judge, oohhhh I see in the eyes of those that parent carefully and to the confines of society's right and wrong labels, Aha with a hint of a smile is what I hear from those that know me, know us, and know our story.. Our path.. And know that I of all people dance to the beat of my own drum and want my kids to be free within the rythym of their souls too..
When Zaine was 5, he told me he was going to have a tattoo like me {I have a few tatts, at that time quite a large new filigree art deco design across my back} obviously being a Mama, I kinda brushed it off, I told him he had to wait till 16ish, we pinky swore, I would let him ~ Well he remembered and he held me to it... I know I'm very liberal and lots of people will tut and ho-hum, but this was OUR journey and I don't give a shit what anybody thinks hey.. lol
Before my {nearly} 6yr old Eamon came along, It was team 'US' for years, Zaine was nearly 10 when Eamon was born and after his fathers and my relationship broke down we had been alone for a few years.. We rocked out in our own little world, that just cruised with love, laughter and ease.. We had lots of adventures and had such an amazing relationship and then (not being horrible, just the reality of it) but with a new relationship, Eamon {bless my beautiful boy} then came along and life got so terribly complicated, having 20 odd strokes at 3wks old, severe epilepsy, told for two years he was going to die and then the trials and tribulations of consistent care of a child with Hemiplegic Cerebral Palsy and eventually an austism/aspergers diagnosis.. I became quite absent, not through want or need, but rather precariously on the edge of a life or death situation, that had my heart in its clutches..
Zaine was and has been so amazing but must have felt so lost and alone on occasion, because I had so much going on he didnt get the attention and time he deserved or was used to.. And I was so stuck in 'Just DO, and auto-pilot, and grief' I found it hard to even be present in myself let alone the energy for anything or anyone else, .. I had become a shadow of his former Mum, and I could feel him slipping away, team 'US' slipping away and it broke my heart, my heart and soul, but I did not know how to fix it.. In saying that, we are close, we lost it for a while but we got it back, and we are still so really close.. I try to make time to have convo's or even just 'time' with him everyday, even just 5mins.. I literally run down the hall {he hears me coming and laughs and ducks and rolls his eyes in anticipation and feigned annoyance} and I throw myself on his bed.. In between annoying him and poking him and occassionally doing my version of the Melbourne shuffle/bum dance on his bed, we have deep talks, that are outside the borders of teenage boy grunting and we smile.. I scruff his uber cool hair and we are all good.. We remember..
So I guess to everyone else our Tattoo's may symbolise bad parenting, way too liberal, way too easy, way too whatever they may decide they think they know what this to be.. But to 'US', this is just a reminder of our unbreakable 'eternal' bond and how much we do love each other as Mama & Son.. I have the, 'Love', it gives him the 'Strength' and it just is 'US'.. It's a reminder that underneath it all we are still the little boy playing with his beloved Toy Story figurines, sitting on his Mama's back tracing her new tattoo saying "Mummy I love your art, I want to have one like you one day, We can get matching one's together.. Lets get infinity and beyond".. We love our kids always and forever, Im happy for him to have something to remind him of that everyday ;))
Do not judge the story if you've only read the blurb..
Mama, Madly.. ♥
I am a great Mama, I am a bad mama, whatever the world wants to see, I am his Mama, and he is my baby bear..
Today my biggest boy Zaine and I went and got inked.. Arrrgghhhh, I hear so silently coming from those that judge, oohhhh I see in the eyes of those that parent carefully and to the confines of society's right and wrong labels, Aha with a hint of a smile is what I hear from those that know me, know us, and know our story.. Our path.. And know that I of all people dance to the beat of my own drum and want my kids to be free within the rythym of their souls too..
When Zaine was 5, he told me he was going to have a tattoo like me {I have a few tatts, at that time quite a large new filigree art deco design across my back} obviously being a Mama, I kinda brushed it off, I told him he had to wait till 16ish, we pinky swore, I would let him ~ Well he remembered and he held me to it... I know I'm very liberal and lots of people will tut and ho-hum, but this was OUR journey and I don't give a shit what anybody thinks hey.. lol
Before my {nearly} 6yr old Eamon came along, It was team 'US' for years, Zaine was nearly 10 when Eamon was born and after his fathers and my relationship broke down we had been alone for a few years.. We rocked out in our own little world, that just cruised with love, laughter and ease.. We had lots of adventures and had such an amazing relationship and then (not being horrible, just the reality of it) but with a new relationship, Eamon {bless my beautiful boy} then came along and life got so terribly complicated, having 20 odd strokes at 3wks old, severe epilepsy, told for two years he was going to die and then the trials and tribulations of consistent care of a child with Hemiplegic Cerebral Palsy and eventually an austism/aspergers diagnosis.. I became quite absent, not through want or need, but rather precariously on the edge of a life or death situation, that had my heart in its clutches..
Zaine was and has been so amazing but must have felt so lost and alone on occasion, because I had so much going on he didnt get the attention and time he deserved or was used to.. And I was so stuck in 'Just DO, and auto-pilot, and grief' I found it hard to even be present in myself let alone the energy for anything or anyone else, .. I had become a shadow of his former Mum, and I could feel him slipping away, team 'US' slipping away and it broke my heart, my heart and soul, but I did not know how to fix it.. In saying that, we are close, we lost it for a while but we got it back, and we are still so really close.. I try to make time to have convo's or even just 'time' with him everyday, even just 5mins.. I literally run down the hall {he hears me coming and laughs and ducks and rolls his eyes in anticipation and feigned annoyance} and I throw myself on his bed.. In between annoying him and poking him and occassionally doing my version of the Melbourne shuffle/bum dance on his bed, we have deep talks, that are outside the borders of teenage boy grunting and we smile.. I scruff his uber cool hair and we are all good.. We remember..
Do not judge the story if you've only read the blurb..
Mama, Madly.. ♥
Wednesday, 8 August 2012
Summer lust, when you're a little S.A.D...
Am I the only one who finds winter, dull and dreary and miserable.. It completely depresses and overrides any need or want I have to do anything...
I have got so much to do, everyday, and yet the cold wet weather hits and I become the same, in mind and spirit.. I become winters miserable mistress and it knocks the wind out of my sails faster than you can say 'Hot Chocolate'..
I adore putting on thick socks & gumboots and my beanie and scarf collection is out of control, I love opening umbrella's and jumping in puddles and winter walking with my kiddies, looking at the wonders that rain and cold weather bring.. I love Ugg boots and hot chocolate and snuggles on my granny blanketed couches watching kids/romantic comedies and just enjoying our "lazy, homely, family" days.. Winter really is so beautiful, but It makes me sad.. Or should I say S.A.D....
Seasonal Affective Disorder.. or SAD.. When it gets cold and the sun stops shining so much and the lack of Vit.D and ultraviolet rays makes receptors in your brain register differently,, on can come slight depression because our hormones aren't stimulated and we do not produce enough melatonin or some whoooo-haa like that.. Whatever, that's my completely 'scientific' take on it, but my Blaise take is; Its winter and as much as I love it once the cold hits my bones and the sun has gone down before I've gotten all my 'stuff' done and it's rained for a day and a half and the warmth of the sun hasn't touched my face then I don't only get sad, I get grumpy and sometimes a little bit like the grinch.. I moan and groan, and generally get absolutely sweet amounts of nothing done!! Does anyone else get this or am I hiding behind a good excuse for lazy..??? ;))
I know the way to treat sad is with light therapy which is costly, hmmm, I have considered standing over my desk lamp and holding my eyelids open over the bulb, but not only do I think that, that wont cut it, I'm sure to have an eyeball / burn moment that I'd really rather not..
I think instead I'm going to create a 'Paradise' room in my house, fake blow up palm tree's, lots of pina colada non-alcoholic drinks {because much like the bathroom and toilet if I go in there my kids will want and demand to come too}.. Then again maybe that's exactly why alcohol is needed!! I could just break out some old Beach Boy records, hook up an extra heater, drape a few sarongs around, dump a bag of sand on the floor and wear a Lei or ten..
Yeah, I know, I know, it 'aint gonna work' but a girl can dream can't she.. I'm being a whinger, I'll be the same in the boiling heat of our ridiculously hot lung burning summer, but I just want to feel my fingers when I type goddamn it.. I also would like to get up and actually 'want' to do something, anything, everything.. Bring on the warmth baby.. That summer & sunshine is the therapy I need.. It's time to shut the umbrella and shove the gummies to the back of the cupboard, well it feels like its time anyway.. I will miss it when it's gone but..
As Nat King Cole said, 'Roll out those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer'..
Love Love
Mama, Madly...
I have got so much to do, everyday, and yet the cold wet weather hits and I become the same, in mind and spirit.. I become winters miserable mistress and it knocks the wind out of my sails faster than you can say 'Hot Chocolate'..
I adore putting on thick socks & gumboots and my beanie and scarf collection is out of control, I love opening umbrella's and jumping in puddles and winter walking with my kiddies, looking at the wonders that rain and cold weather bring.. I love Ugg boots and hot chocolate and snuggles on my granny blanketed couches watching kids/romantic comedies and just enjoying our "lazy, homely, family" days.. Winter really is so beautiful, but It makes me sad.. Or should I say S.A.D....
Seasonal Affective Disorder.. or SAD.. When it gets cold and the sun stops shining so much and the lack of Vit.D and ultraviolet rays makes receptors in your brain register differently,, on can come slight depression because our hormones aren't stimulated and we do not produce enough melatonin or some whoooo-haa like that.. Whatever, that's my completely 'scientific' take on it, but my Blaise take is; Its winter and as much as I love it once the cold hits my bones and the sun has gone down before I've gotten all my 'stuff' done and it's rained for a day and a half and the warmth of the sun hasn't touched my face then I don't only get sad, I get grumpy and sometimes a little bit like the grinch.. I moan and groan, and generally get absolutely sweet amounts of nothing done!! Does anyone else get this or am I hiding behind a good excuse for lazy..??? ;))
I know the way to treat sad is with light therapy which is costly, hmmm, I have considered standing over my desk lamp and holding my eyelids open over the bulb, but not only do I think that, that wont cut it, I'm sure to have an eyeball / burn moment that I'd really rather not..
I think instead I'm going to create a 'Paradise' room in my house, fake blow up palm tree's, lots of pina colada non-alcoholic drinks {because much like the bathroom and toilet if I go in there my kids will want and demand to come too}.. Then again maybe that's exactly why alcohol is needed!! I could just break out some old Beach Boy records, hook up an extra heater, drape a few sarongs around, dump a bag of sand on the floor and wear a Lei or ten..
Yeah, I know, I know, it 'aint gonna work' but a girl can dream can't she.. I'm being a whinger, I'll be the same in the boiling heat of our ridiculously hot lung burning summer, but I just want to feel my fingers when I type goddamn it.. I also would like to get up and actually 'want' to do something, anything, everything.. Bring on the warmth baby.. That summer & sunshine is the therapy I need.. It's time to shut the umbrella and shove the gummies to the back of the cupboard, well it feels like its time anyway.. I will miss it when it's gone but..
As Nat King Cole said, 'Roll out those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer'..
Love Love
Mama, Madly...
Tuesday, 31 July 2012
Crafty vs. Crazy...
So I'm a SAHM and a crafting Mama, for all of you who do not know what SAHM means its "Stay at home Mum".. I do work a job also, but majority of my time I am a SAHM.. I have 4x kids, teens to toddlers, and on some level I almost feel that being a SAHM is not enough.. I know how hard my job is.. I know others Mum's also know how hard my job is, especially those that are also sahm, but on some internal level that I don't often show and which I am 99.5% positive most other Mama's also feel, I actually feel like just being 'Mum' to my children is not worthy.. I know absolutely on every level it absolutely is, but somewhere along the line what society and 'everyone' else thinks has made me stray from the path of good and down the path of self doubt and worthiness... It amazes me how I not only doubt my 'parenting' choices but I also consistently stress myself out with what others may think about how I spend my time whether in my Mama/life world or out in the business world.. Why seriously does it matter to me what others, especially those of little to no importance in my life or heart, think about how I conduct my life.. Why do we ALL do this!!???
So this brings me to my actual point, I craft, I have a Facebook page / small business *Poetic Baby* and I create.. Lots of gorgeous little OOAK kids clothes and bits and pieces that I love doing.. Its all based on vintage funky fabric's and old school fun and love of yesteryear and it makes me happy... Well it did.. Until I started to feel this unbelievable pressure to 'produce'.. I know a lot of women have amazing pages and create the most beautiful things and do so consistently, but the reality is for myself, I have two older kids in high school, one child in primary school (who is disabled and needs double time and attention, which I'm very happy to do) and a One and a half year old bubba girl who is most definitely my last and whom I want to enjoy every moment with, especially seeing as it took me 15yrs to have my 'little girl'.. I actually really love my life..
I look at these other pages and I honestly think "Where the hell do these women find the time!!!??".. They astound me.. and do they ever feel like me, crazy hair-brained, mess everywhere, wondering how exactly you are going to get only one thing done when in fact you really need to make 10 odd items.. Do we put the pressure on ourselves by thinking we are the only one's who do not have our complete sh*t together or do we pressure each other with false pretences of pretending that everything is just peachy, and life and business is amazingly fantastic and everything we touch turns to gold.. Especially when the reality is we actually are at home, still in PJ's at lunchtime, with crazy hair and snotty teething kids looking at our houses and messes thinking 'where the hell do I start'...
The other thing I have found which has disheartened me a little is the cattiness, do not get me wrong, I have met some of the most beautiful ladies, big of heart, sweet of spirit, who give me real joy just knowing that I am fortunate enough to have befriended then and they me.. I noticed a while ago (I will possibly get slammed for this, but meh, whatever) a number of people on a saccharine sweet attack front regarding people copying them etc, going as far as actually attacking them on the public forum that is FB, which to me is akin to bullying.. It has never happened to me thankgod as I'm not backwards in coming forward and am sure it could have become quite unpleasant with me stating my opinions on the matter.. It kind of makes me giggle when I see women making sweeping statements that the flared pants or twirly skirts or pillowcase dresses they have been making, are being copied.. HELLOOO, there really aren't that many different ways of doing pants, skirts, tops etc.. Fair enough there are certain 'trademarks' by some crafters and in all fairness they should not be copied, it's just wrong on many levels and if they are then put it down to not only lack of imagination, but sometimes it's just inadvertent accidental similarities etc.. I do not agree with people who take idea's and run with them, especially when I see larger business pages with huge followings doing it to smaller pages and acting like it was all their own idea, but that works vice-versa also...
What I wonder is, "WHAT HAPPENED TO SISTERHOOD".. I've come to realise is that ALL of us ladies crafting, are mainly SAHM's and in our crafting are attempting to not only keep sane, and stay creative {which can be so easily lost amongst dirty nappies, and sleepless night, and scratched knee's and very first broken hearts} it also on occasion if we're not creating at a financial loss brings in a few extra dollars for the little things in life our kidlets love, like maybe a pizza night, we would not otherwise be able to afford.. Some of us do it as our form of 'outside' / 'adult' contact, to keep us sane, others to keep busy due to things like Post Natal Depression or just because it is the one thing that actually gives our hearts Joy.. And yet some women continue to slam each other!!!??? I just don't get it.....
It makes me so sad when I see bad behaviour by crafting Mama's and Women, am I one of the only women left who really feels that women need to support women, lift each other up not bring someone down.. I love my crafting friends, I feel joy for them when they 'create' something new that they are proud of, I share their happy moments when they have mastered something they didn't feel they would be able to, I dance with them when they just have a 'good' day...
I say, lets stop the negativity and embrace the amazing collective of creative spirit out there, let's celebrate how amazing us 'Women' can be, lets stop the negativity and if we do have an issue then instead of reverting to high school behaviour take it up personally with the supposed perpetrator at hand, lets be honest about when we are having a bad day and just support each other, lets stop pressuring ourselves and each other because above everything else, pressure is exactly the opposite of what beautiful creative spirit should be giving us in our lives and hearts... I am more than happy to have a virtual glass of wine when the kids have gone to bed, with all my amazing crafty 'friends' I have made via my page, I think these ladies rock, and inspire me so very much..
I do love my crazy messed up crafting life... I love being able to be at home at the moment with my babies, big and little.. I love crafting for crafting.. and i love my positive and happy little space I have created in my life, even if I cant always meet my own crazy ideals or deadlines (where the only expectation of what I can make is made by me).. I would love any and all who feel somehow the same to join me on this happy sometimes eclectic path, and others who scoff to just keep walking...
I am not crazy for the act of crafting, but on occasion I do craft a little crazy ;))
Love love
Mama, Madly... xx
So this brings me to my actual point, I craft, I have a Facebook page / small business *Poetic Baby* and I create.. Lots of gorgeous little OOAK kids clothes and bits and pieces that I love doing.. Its all based on vintage funky fabric's and old school fun and love of yesteryear and it makes me happy... Well it did.. Until I started to feel this unbelievable pressure to 'produce'.. I know a lot of women have amazing pages and create the most beautiful things and do so consistently, but the reality is for myself, I have two older kids in high school, one child in primary school (who is disabled and needs double time and attention, which I'm very happy to do) and a One and a half year old bubba girl who is most definitely my last and whom I want to enjoy every moment with, especially seeing as it took me 15yrs to have my 'little girl'.. I actually really love my life..
I look at these other pages and I honestly think "Where the hell do these women find the time!!!??".. They astound me.. and do they ever feel like me, crazy hair-brained, mess everywhere, wondering how exactly you are going to get only one thing done when in fact you really need to make 10 odd items.. Do we put the pressure on ourselves by thinking we are the only one's who do not have our complete sh*t together or do we pressure each other with false pretences of pretending that everything is just peachy, and life and business is amazingly fantastic and everything we touch turns to gold.. Especially when the reality is we actually are at home, still in PJ's at lunchtime, with crazy hair and snotty teething kids looking at our houses and messes thinking 'where the hell do I start'...
The other thing I have found which has disheartened me a little is the cattiness, do not get me wrong, I have met some of the most beautiful ladies, big of heart, sweet of spirit, who give me real joy just knowing that I am fortunate enough to have befriended then and they me.. I noticed a while ago (I will possibly get slammed for this, but meh, whatever) a number of people on a saccharine sweet attack front regarding people copying them etc, going as far as actually attacking them on the public forum that is FB, which to me is akin to bullying.. It has never happened to me thankgod as I'm not backwards in coming forward and am sure it could have become quite unpleasant with me stating my opinions on the matter.. It kind of makes me giggle when I see women making sweeping statements that the flared pants or twirly skirts or pillowcase dresses they have been making, are being copied.. HELLOOO, there really aren't that many different ways of doing pants, skirts, tops etc.. Fair enough there are certain 'trademarks' by some crafters and in all fairness they should not be copied, it's just wrong on many levels and if they are then put it down to not only lack of imagination, but sometimes it's just inadvertent accidental similarities etc.. I do not agree with people who take idea's and run with them, especially when I see larger business pages with huge followings doing it to smaller pages and acting like it was all their own idea, but that works vice-versa also...
What I wonder is, "WHAT HAPPENED TO SISTERHOOD".. I've come to realise is that ALL of us ladies crafting, are mainly SAHM's and in our crafting are attempting to not only keep sane, and stay creative {which can be so easily lost amongst dirty nappies, and sleepless night, and scratched knee's and very first broken hearts} it also on occasion if we're not creating at a financial loss brings in a few extra dollars for the little things in life our kidlets love, like maybe a pizza night, we would not otherwise be able to afford.. Some of us do it as our form of 'outside' / 'adult' contact, to keep us sane, others to keep busy due to things like Post Natal Depression or just because it is the one thing that actually gives our hearts Joy.. And yet some women continue to slam each other!!!??? I just don't get it.....
It makes me so sad when I see bad behaviour by crafting Mama's and Women, am I one of the only women left who really feels that women need to support women, lift each other up not bring someone down.. I love my crafting friends, I feel joy for them when they 'create' something new that they are proud of, I share their happy moments when they have mastered something they didn't feel they would be able to, I dance with them when they just have a 'good' day...
I say, lets stop the negativity and embrace the amazing collective of creative spirit out there, let's celebrate how amazing us 'Women' can be, lets stop the negativity and if we do have an issue then instead of reverting to high school behaviour take it up personally with the supposed perpetrator at hand, lets be honest about when we are having a bad day and just support each other, lets stop pressuring ourselves and each other because above everything else, pressure is exactly the opposite of what beautiful creative spirit should be giving us in our lives and hearts... I am more than happy to have a virtual glass of wine when the kids have gone to bed, with all my amazing crafty 'friends' I have made via my page, I think these ladies rock, and inspire me so very much..
I do love my crazy messed up crafting life... I love being able to be at home at the moment with my babies, big and little.. I love crafting for crafting.. and i love my positive and happy little space I have created in my life, even if I cant always meet my own crazy ideals or deadlines (where the only expectation of what I can make is made by me).. I would love any and all who feel somehow the same to join me on this happy sometimes eclectic path, and others who scoff to just keep walking...
I am not crazy for the act of crafting, but on occasion I do craft a little crazy ;))
Love love
Mama, Madly... xx
Friday, 15 June 2012
Angry Girl Music..
Yesterday I downloaded a copy of Alanis Morrisette's "Jagged Little Pill" album.. If no-one remembers her she's the brunette with serious long hair, a nasally wail, an attitude most people found confronting, who sang angry girl music about irony and how &%$#@ she was, or maybe it was about how &^%$# everyone else was and she was perfect?? Its hard to tell these days..
I love angry girl music, what can I say.. It has helped me struggle through the worst of times, it has on occasion given me a backbone where before there had only been fear and self loathing..
I'm listening to the album as I write, I know every single word, every note, even the break in between.. Wow, she was an angry lady and lyrics wise I'd say a man was at the base of it.. .. And I completely get it.
On some level I guess singer/writers/famous people like Alanis give women a bad name when it comes to man bashing.. I am not a man basher, In fact I love men..!! I love the differences between men and women, I appreciate even the simple and apparent differences like a women's softness and the rugged masculinity of a man's physique in comparison, Its actually one of the things I like best about men, how feminine they make me feel, If only I allow it.. I don't believe in emasculating men from their role as hunter gatherers, in reality women don't empower themselves when they think they do because they supposedly don't 'need' a man's help.. In fact women who 'allow' men to "provide" so they feel like a galant knight, doesn't make women powerless..!! I personally believe, if we can make a man feel this way its actually very empowering..
Hell, I can mow my own lawns and I can change a car tyre, I can even do a head gasket or put Ikea furniture together if need be, but its so much nicer allowing men to be the saviour and us be the damsel in distress.. Its not a truth, especially in this day and age of capability, but if it makes both our ego's and all our needs to feel needed or loved are fulfilled then who really is it hurting.. Damn feminists..!!
Man-bashing was not all Alanis raged about on this album, she raged on about friends, parents, even the church, it was all about LACK, but still I listen.. Still I love it.. I finally can see this album, was borne I am quite sure at the time when she was going through her own 'dark night of the soul' and she was pissed off at every thing and everyone. I so get it, I've been there. Most people have.. I don't agree with a lot of her complaints, although at one time I did, and I really needed her..!! Especially during my first longterm relationship breakup, this album was my "YEAH.." moment everyday.. and even now I'm going yeahhh, but its on such a different level, and I'm really enjoying it..!!
Thank goodness for growing up, and wisdom.. Alanis {and all the other angry girl music I have or do still listen to} has taught me to allow my self-righteous rage, to empower myself, and most of all to not be a victim.. My age has taught me this album was most probably borne from victim mentality, I can own my decisions and my own part in issues these days, Ive learnt personal responsibility..
Don't think I'll listen to this album as faithfully as I once did, I've already moved on to Otis Redding, but I do still and I'm sure always will love it..
Thanks Alanis, Ive got one hand in my pocket and the other one is giving you the peace sign ;) xx
Mama, Madly.... xoxo
I love angry girl music, what can I say.. It has helped me struggle through the worst of times, it has on occasion given me a backbone where before there had only been fear and self loathing..
I'm listening to the album as I write, I know every single word, every note, even the break in between.. Wow, she was an angry lady and lyrics wise I'd say a man was at the base of it.. .. And I completely get it.
On some level I guess singer/writers/famous people like Alanis give women a bad name when it comes to man bashing.. I am not a man basher, In fact I love men..!! I love the differences between men and women, I appreciate even the simple and apparent differences like a women's softness and the rugged masculinity of a man's physique in comparison, Its actually one of the things I like best about men, how feminine they make me feel, If only I allow it.. I don't believe in emasculating men from their role as hunter gatherers, in reality women don't empower themselves when they think they do because they supposedly don't 'need' a man's help.. In fact women who 'allow' men to "provide" so they feel like a galant knight, doesn't make women powerless..!! I personally believe, if we can make a man feel this way its actually very empowering..
Hell, I can mow my own lawns and I can change a car tyre, I can even do a head gasket or put Ikea furniture together if need be, but its so much nicer allowing men to be the saviour and us be the damsel in distress.. Its not a truth, especially in this day and age of capability, but if it makes both our ego's and all our needs to feel needed or loved are fulfilled then who really is it hurting.. Damn feminists..!!
Man-bashing was not all Alanis raged about on this album, she raged on about friends, parents, even the church, it was all about LACK, but still I listen.. Still I love it.. I finally can see this album, was borne I am quite sure at the time when she was going through her own 'dark night of the soul' and she was pissed off at every thing and everyone. I so get it, I've been there. Most people have.. I don't agree with a lot of her complaints, although at one time I did, and I really needed her..!! Especially during my first longterm relationship breakup, this album was my "YEAH.." moment everyday.. and even now I'm going yeahhh, but its on such a different level, and I'm really enjoying it..!!
Thank goodness for growing up, and wisdom.. Alanis {and all the other angry girl music I have or do still listen to} has taught me to allow my self-righteous rage, to empower myself, and most of all to not be a victim.. My age has taught me this album was most probably borne from victim mentality, I can own my decisions and my own part in issues these days, Ive learnt personal responsibility..
Don't think I'll listen to this album as faithfully as I once did, I've already moved on to Otis Redding, but I do still and I'm sure always will love it..
Thanks Alanis, Ive got one hand in my pocket and the other one is giving you the peace sign ;) xx
Mama, Madly.... xoxo
Thursday, 14 June 2012
Trash or treasure and the adventure within..
When I was seven this friend of mine, I think her name name was Rebecca or maybe it was Elizabeth, well her name is irrelevant now, but anyway, she had miniature 'Hello Kitty' erasers.. and they smelt like strawberries.. How I coveted that rubber collection (no pun intended)..
When I was nine, I had the She-ra Crystal Castle & of course to go with that I had her brother He-man and his Castle Greyskull, including all their sidekicks, good and bad.. I loved that castle and that kickarse warrior woman more than life itself and was devastated when it was left behind in an interstate move..
Well, the list goes on, before and after these ages.. Four it was Holly Hobbie, 5yrs old I was obsessed with all things Strawberry Shortcake, six it was Rainbow Brite and her Sprites, I'm pretty sure by eight I was besotted with Punky Brewster and by eleven I had bought and read every Nancy Drew and Trixie Belden girl detective books I could possibly find..
I am now 35.. I am a mother a few times over, I have teenagers and little ones, I am a grown up, and last month I bought a set of She-ra dolls for my kids.. Ok, who am I kidding I admit it, they were for me.. My kids don't give a toss about any of the above toys.. The magic they imbued in my childhood has not transcended time, and there is no joy in my children's eyes when they look at them.. But I tell you what, sitting in the toy room with my new but old purchases it was like time stood still, stars lit the room and some romantic melody hummed its own tune in my head.. I was back in my childhood, completely in love, so pure and innocent..
As much as I giggle at my collections {and I have collections of all of the above plus some} and how I laugh at myself over my ecstatically zealous reactions at finding mint condition Cabbage patch dolls in Thrift shops etc, I really do appreciate the energy and relationship these inanimate objects have with who I am and have become today.. They ARE me..
We have so much 'spirit' and creative imagination when we are young, its really sad when life casts shadows over it.. I'm trying to bring back the magic, my 5yr old and the 18mth old (although she isnt yet understanding), go on big extensive "Treasure Hunts"!! We scour opp shops, trash & treasures and secondhand vintage markets. Looking for what hopefully as it states is, albeit someone else's trash, our very own exciting and beloved new treasure.. Sure we come home with a lot of what many would only call crap, but sometimes we also come home with pearls, that have created whole scenes or activities of unimaginable fun we build upon everyday.. I'm not going to apologise for being a big kid at heart, or having a slightly eclectic and eccentric collection of 'stuff'.. Instead I'm going to enjoy the moments I share with my kids building whole new fantasy worlds they can get lost in, and occasionally sneak in an play with these treasures all by myself..
I think everyone should go treasure hunting, and decide to make it their best adventure yet..
I'm definitely not about to stop...
Anyone feel like storming Skeletor up in Snake Mountain with me??? ;)
Mama, Madly xox
When I was nine, I had the She-ra Crystal Castle & of course to go with that I had her brother He-man and his Castle Greyskull, including all their sidekicks, good and bad.. I loved that castle and that kickarse warrior woman more than life itself and was devastated when it was left behind in an interstate move..
Well, the list goes on, before and after these ages.. Four it was Holly Hobbie, 5yrs old I was obsessed with all things Strawberry Shortcake, six it was Rainbow Brite and her Sprites, I'm pretty sure by eight I was besotted with Punky Brewster and by eleven I had bought and read every Nancy Drew and Trixie Belden girl detective books I could possibly find..
I am now 35.. I am a mother a few times over, I have teenagers and little ones, I am a grown up, and last month I bought a set of She-ra dolls for my kids.. Ok, who am I kidding I admit it, they were for me.. My kids don't give a toss about any of the above toys.. The magic they imbued in my childhood has not transcended time, and there is no joy in my children's eyes when they look at them.. But I tell you what, sitting in the toy room with my new but old purchases it was like time stood still, stars lit the room and some romantic melody hummed its own tune in my head.. I was back in my childhood, completely in love, so pure and innocent..
As much as I giggle at my collections {and I have collections of all of the above plus some} and how I laugh at myself over my ecstatically zealous reactions at finding mint condition Cabbage patch dolls in Thrift shops etc, I really do appreciate the energy and relationship these inanimate objects have with who I am and have become today.. They ARE me..
We have so much 'spirit' and creative imagination when we are young, its really sad when life casts shadows over it.. I'm trying to bring back the magic, my 5yr old and the 18mth old (although she isnt yet understanding), go on big extensive "Treasure Hunts"!! We scour opp shops, trash & treasures and secondhand vintage markets. Looking for what hopefully as it states is, albeit someone else's trash, our very own exciting and beloved new treasure.. Sure we come home with a lot of what many would only call crap, but sometimes we also come home with pearls, that have created whole scenes or activities of unimaginable fun we build upon everyday.. I'm not going to apologise for being a big kid at heart, or having a slightly eclectic and eccentric collection of 'stuff'.. Instead I'm going to enjoy the moments I share with my kids building whole new fantasy worlds they can get lost in, and occasionally sneak in an play with these treasures all by myself..
I think everyone should go treasure hunting, and decide to make it their best adventure yet..
I'm definitely not about to stop...
Anyone feel like storming Skeletor up in Snake Mountain with me??? ;)
Mama, Madly xox
Wednesday, 13 June 2012
Time flies when you're being Mum..
I cannot believe it..
Four whole months have passed..
That's over 120+ days
Days when I absolutely had a lot to say but didn't..
It feels like I haven't been here forever.
I can only claim being lost to the world that is Mum.
I have had huge upheavals this year, my baby hit terrible 2's and she's only One, my 5yr old preppy A.S.D child with Cerebral Palsy finally after years of putting it off had to be medicated for his behavioural issues {a whole other blog} and my oldest lad left high school *Yr.10* to attend Tafe.
Whew, that in itself is a huge drama no one warned me about in the parenting advice people tend to dole out quite frequently, and all for free.. "One day your child will decide to do something you don't want for them, like leave school and >shabang< your own ego is shattered" yes I said it, I am honest, my ego! MINE..
I envisioned my son going on to an amazingly glittery, well paid, high end, upper class job where his brilliance and intelligence born and bred from myself would shine through, but it wasn't to be.. Don't get me wrong, My lad is ridiculously clever, has amazing scope in understanding any given concept, he is just not cut out for the classroom.. His mind wanders, he has itchy feet, he is completely and utterly forgetful and disorganised, all facts I'm ashamed to admit, he got from me... But I always saw him in a red velvet cape and crown...!!??
My biggest issue with this at the moment is the fact that its increasingly being brought to my attention how judgemental people are, and it makes me irate.. It also makes me irate that it had somehow rubbed off on me also.. Ive heard it indirectly at my kids schools, my work life and also in my personal life.. People talking about 'blue collar' and second class/ second rate, and white trash.. What happened to all this amazing enlightenment we've supposedly had?? The age of Aquarius?? When did society go so backward again??
I found myself getting sucked back in to that mindset, that where you live, what you drive, what u wear etc is who you are and then I had it intimated to me, that because my son will not {supposedly} go very far in life due to leaving school *gawwff* he isn't good enough for a certain girl who is so sadly clueless in her upbringing so far, I hate to think of adulthood, she has tantrums when she doesn't get her own way!! Mum passes it off as sensitivity *what the*.. yes well, cute at 14 maybe, at 24?? I think not.. big LIGHTBULB moment, thankyou epiphany, you little nymph you..
I try very hard to live an Organic life, don't misunderstand, I'm not a peace love and mung beans, recycle your toilet paper and grow your own radishes for 'energy shakes' kinda girl, but I do try to live as real and as honestly as I can, with compassion and love for the life that I live.. I want my children to embody these important ideals also, things that I believe only coming from a certain lifestyle can give you, things like appreciation for every chance you are given, without on some level feeling like you are entitled.. Thankfulness for all of your moments, the laughter, the smiles even sometimes the lessons being learnt from your tears.. I want my kids to appreciate silly things like just because they aren't brand name $200 jeans doesn't make the jeans that cover your bum from a lesser label any less worthy or the fact you are wearing them, make you less worthy.. If $50 jeans make us blue collar white trash then its a label I am happy to wear...
I want my kids to come from integrity and honesty. To be really real.. So when my son asked me if he could leave mainstream high school to finish yr.10 in Tafe and then start a Carpentry*builder* apprenticeship I was beside myself, and then I remembered that in actual fact a trade doesn't not equate to a 'lower socio economic' scale, or lack of intelligence, it rather gives my son a place to begin because school (and who are we kidding, its a joke these days whats being taught) wasn't going to ever take him as far as he could go.. Not only will he be working whilst also learning and still schooling he will be using his hands and creating, an art form no longer really passed on through the generations from father to son anymore. Something that has been lost to this world of computers and high finance and brand based worth, in all its shallowness, an art form like woodworking has quietly died.. I'm actually really happy when I think about it now, that not only has my son made an amazingly mature decision, I wont have to worry about him because even if the market drops out or there is a share crash, atleast he can build a roof over his own head..
and if the shit really hits the fan, The ARK was made from wood yeah!!??
till tomorrow (yes I promise to return)
Mama, Madly...!!!
Four whole months have passed..
That's over 120+ days
Days when I absolutely had a lot to say but didn't..
It feels like I haven't been here forever.
I can only claim being lost to the world that is Mum.
I have had huge upheavals this year, my baby hit terrible 2's and she's only One, my 5yr old preppy A.S.D child with Cerebral Palsy finally after years of putting it off had to be medicated for his behavioural issues {a whole other blog} and my oldest lad left high school *Yr.10* to attend Tafe.
Whew, that in itself is a huge drama no one warned me about in the parenting advice people tend to dole out quite frequently, and all for free.. "One day your child will decide to do something you don't want for them, like leave school and >shabang< your own ego is shattered" yes I said it, I am honest, my ego! MINE..
I envisioned my son going on to an amazingly glittery, well paid, high end, upper class job where his brilliance and intelligence born and bred from myself would shine through, but it wasn't to be.. Don't get me wrong, My lad is ridiculously clever, has amazing scope in understanding any given concept, he is just not cut out for the classroom.. His mind wanders, he has itchy feet, he is completely and utterly forgetful and disorganised, all facts I'm ashamed to admit, he got from me... But I always saw him in a red velvet cape and crown...!!??
My biggest issue with this at the moment is the fact that its increasingly being brought to my attention how judgemental people are, and it makes me irate.. It also makes me irate that it had somehow rubbed off on me also.. Ive heard it indirectly at my kids schools, my work life and also in my personal life.. People talking about 'blue collar' and second class/ second rate, and white trash.. What happened to all this amazing enlightenment we've supposedly had?? The age of Aquarius?? When did society go so backward again??
I found myself getting sucked back in to that mindset, that where you live, what you drive, what u wear etc is who you are and then I had it intimated to me, that because my son will not {supposedly} go very far in life due to leaving school *gawwff* he isn't good enough for a certain girl who is so sadly clueless in her upbringing so far, I hate to think of adulthood, she has tantrums when she doesn't get her own way!! Mum passes it off as sensitivity *what the*.. yes well, cute at 14 maybe, at 24?? I think not.. big LIGHTBULB moment, thankyou epiphany, you little nymph you..
I try very hard to live an Organic life, don't misunderstand, I'm not a peace love and mung beans, recycle your toilet paper and grow your own radishes for 'energy shakes' kinda girl, but I do try to live as real and as honestly as I can, with compassion and love for the life that I live.. I want my children to embody these important ideals also, things that I believe only coming from a certain lifestyle can give you, things like appreciation for every chance you are given, without on some level feeling like you are entitled.. Thankfulness for all of your moments, the laughter, the smiles even sometimes the lessons being learnt from your tears.. I want my kids to appreciate silly things like just because they aren't brand name $200 jeans doesn't make the jeans that cover your bum from a lesser label any less worthy or the fact you are wearing them, make you less worthy.. If $50 jeans make us blue collar white trash then its a label I am happy to wear...
I want my kids to come from integrity and honesty. To be really real.. So when my son asked me if he could leave mainstream high school to finish yr.10 in Tafe and then start a Carpentry*builder* apprenticeship I was beside myself, and then I remembered that in actual fact a trade doesn't not equate to a 'lower socio economic' scale, or lack of intelligence, it rather gives my son a place to begin because school (and who are we kidding, its a joke these days whats being taught) wasn't going to ever take him as far as he could go.. Not only will he be working whilst also learning and still schooling he will be using his hands and creating, an art form no longer really passed on through the generations from father to son anymore. Something that has been lost to this world of computers and high finance and brand based worth, in all its shallowness, an art form like woodworking has quietly died.. I'm actually really happy when I think about it now, that not only has my son made an amazingly mature decision, I wont have to worry about him because even if the market drops out or there is a share crash, atleast he can build a roof over his own head..
and if the shit really hits the fan, The ARK was made from wood yeah!!??
till tomorrow (yes I promise to return)
Mama, Madly...!!!
Wednesday, 8 February 2012
Washing Basket Technique 101..
Yes, I've been absent.. I know this.. I am more than aware of this fact.. I am wild haired, crazy eyed at this fact.. Well not just about my blog obviously, about my life..
Can anyone say "Time management issues!!??"..
Yep, aha, thats me.. I spend so much time doing so many things, I actually end up getting nothing done.. Thats how it feels anyway... My head is always running, a million miles an hour, I dont sleep alot either.. You would think with an engaged brain and numerous 'awake' hours this little black duck would be able to surpass the relatively medium 'to do' list standards of the average SAHM.. well NO.. I dont, and cant seem to, even if and when Im trying my hardest..
I think I overload, or my brain goes on strike and I can spend a whole day in a messy house and pretty much have nothing done 8hrs later, yet I feel like Ive not stopped.. "Oh I'll just put this away in that room and then, oohhhh look what i found *new tangent* maybe I can just see if *different direction* Oh I havent yet.. but.. isnt.. when did.. oh thats.. jesus christ.. what the!!!??????????? I cannot even finalise a simple task let alone a sentence or thought..
So instead of excusing myself or explaining my actions or having guilts based solely on outside influences, I took a mini life Hiatus.. Ive spent the last 2wks, helping my middle child *yes the disabled one* settle into life at primary school **Quiet jump for joy**, cleaning out, bagging up, chucking away, writing rosters, making calendars, buying washing baskets, anything in which I may actually may make my life run smoother.. Why? because my brain sure cant!!
I own 10 washing baskets.. yep, 10.. I love my ecclectic but easy way of 'tidying' my house.. I shared this tip with a girlfriend the other day, I'd actually forgotten to do this for the last few months, so it was a good reminder to myself when explaining to someone how to make their life easier, how I could do so again in mine.. Here's my life easier tip for you -:
Washing Basket Technique 101
I hope everyone is enjoying the return to norm, I mean school ;)
Until the morrow
Mama, Madly...
Can anyone say "Time management issues!!??"..
Yep, aha, thats me.. I spend so much time doing so many things, I actually end up getting nothing done.. Thats how it feels anyway... My head is always running, a million miles an hour, I dont sleep alot either.. You would think with an engaged brain and numerous 'awake' hours this little black duck would be able to surpass the relatively medium 'to do' list standards of the average SAHM.. well NO.. I dont, and cant seem to, even if and when Im trying my hardest..
I think I overload, or my brain goes on strike and I can spend a whole day in a messy house and pretty much have nothing done 8hrs later, yet I feel like Ive not stopped.. "Oh I'll just put this away in that room and then, oohhhh look what i found *new tangent* maybe I can just see if *different direction* Oh I havent yet.. but.. isnt.. when did.. oh thats.. jesus christ.. what the!!!??????????? I cannot even finalise a simple task let alone a sentence or thought..
So instead of excusing myself or explaining my actions or having guilts based solely on outside influences, I took a mini life Hiatus.. Ive spent the last 2wks, helping my middle child *yes the disabled one* settle into life at primary school **Quiet jump for joy**, cleaning out, bagging up, chucking away, writing rosters, making calendars, buying washing baskets, anything in which I may actually may make my life run smoother.. Why? because my brain sure cant!!
I own 10 washing baskets.. yep, 10.. I love my ecclectic but easy way of 'tidying' my house.. I shared this tip with a girlfriend the other day, I'd actually forgotten to do this for the last few months, so it was a good reminder to myself when explaining to someone how to make their life easier, how I could do so again in mine.. Here's my life easier tip for you -:
Washing Basket Technique 101
*Every morning when I wake, I put on the kettle #1, whilst it boils I go and make every single bed in my house..
*After I've poured the water and am allowing my cup to heat, I go and put a washing basket on every bed, every couch, kitchen table, bathrooms etc..
*Next comes kids, make brekky and set them to graze for 10mins, I then walk into every room and throw every single thing out of place, clothes, books, you name it in the baskets until it is completely tidy except said basket..
*You may have a possible pile of dirty dishes and a possible pile of dirty clothes in each room.. Realistically it takes 2-3mins to do this in each room if not less..
*Once you have done this you should realistically have -: one made bed, clear floor/surfaces, one full washing basket of collected crap (and possibly a collection of dirty dishes and a pile of dirty clothes) in each room.
*I then wipe down ALL surfaces in the house.. and put the dirty dishes in sink or on bench, takes less than 5mins (do the dishes later or chuck them in to soak whatever).. I then chuck the cleaning cloth and dirty clothes from rooms into washing machine and put a load on..
*Once that's done, kids are usually finished eating so they get dressed and they either have their half an hour morning of TV or they find something to play with before school, preferably not the washing baskets.. And then I Vac.. The whole house..
*So now I have a tidy house with made beds, and clean floors/cleared wiped surfaces and my kids are fed/dressed.. And it takes me a grand total of about 30ish-mins..
Yes I have filled up washing baskets of crap to clean out, but either my (older) kids can take responsibility for their own or I will do them in 10min spurts during the day if home or just hit them after work.. and bam, I am not feeling quite so overwhelmed and flustered as when I first looked out at my hell hole..
I hope everyone is enjoying the return to norm, I mean school ;)
Until the morrow
Mama, Madly...
Monday, 23 January 2012
Do penguins have it right??
So I'm thinking about the "one" and who or what that may mean..
Did you know, Penguins mate for life.. Yes life..!!
They find their 'one', their perfect fit and they stay together as mates for the entirety of their existence.. Until they die..!!!
I know the movie 'Happy Feet' has romanticised it.. The penguins found partners who matched their 'heartsong', but it makes me wonder, is it really a meeting of souls?? or an animalistic urge to be mated off at the drop of a hat, and if so is this true for all species including Humans??
As I get older I've started to question this whole Marriage scenario... Not that its not a lovely dream, one day I would like to find myself in a position where I truely feel this desire to proclaim myself to the world that I am sincerely happy if not ecstatic to be binding myself to another soul for life.. Oh yes, I've toyed with the notion, I've made plans, chosen dresses, worn the diamonds, even colour schemed and set the scene, yet something in me shies away from actually going through the motions and bringing it all to fruition..
That in itself makes me wonder, why!? and am I actually cutting my nose off to spite my face..
Should I or anyone for that matter, just up and marry someone who is 'pretty good', 'ok', 'suits me', 'we used to get along', 'I loved them once', 'we have kids', 'is my best friend', 'It's too hard to leave', 'once upon a time' etc etc blah blah blah... Im not saying any of these are my situations but I do seem to hear alot of my friends say these things and to be honest it kinda scares me.. Is that it!?? seriously?? just do it "because"...
I want fireworks, and big bangs, all night conversations, tingles when we touch and the feeling that it cant happen soon enough.. but does that happen anymore? Do soulmates really exist or is it a notion borne of fairytales and generations of hopeless discontent.. Im not saying I want to be joyously happy all the time, but 98% isnt much to ask for is it?? Or is a real soulmate the one who is the best friend, who you can look like crap in front of, who knows all your evil ways and bad mistakes and accepts you for who you are?? and whilst they can only really make 75% of your time together perfect, it's more perfect for you than any non existent perfect 'One' could ever be.. Not to mention a better option than waiting around 10yrs for Mr or Miss.Perfect and getting so old and desperate that in actual fact 25% perfect actually starts to look pretty good..
I guess until I hit that aisle smiling I just wont know.... and these are the days of our lives....................
until tomorrow
Mama, Madly......
Did you know, Penguins mate for life.. Yes life..!!
They find their 'one', their perfect fit and they stay together as mates for the entirety of their existence.. Until they die..!!!
I know the movie 'Happy Feet' has romanticised it.. The penguins found partners who matched their 'heartsong', but it makes me wonder, is it really a meeting of souls?? or an animalistic urge to be mated off at the drop of a hat, and if so is this true for all species including Humans??
As I get older I've started to question this whole Marriage scenario... Not that its not a lovely dream, one day I would like to find myself in a position where I truely feel this desire to proclaim myself to the world that I am sincerely happy if not ecstatic to be binding myself to another soul for life.. Oh yes, I've toyed with the notion, I've made plans, chosen dresses, worn the diamonds, even colour schemed and set the scene, yet something in me shies away from actually going through the motions and bringing it all to fruition..
That in itself makes me wonder, why!? and am I actually cutting my nose off to spite my face..
Should I or anyone for that matter, just up and marry someone who is 'pretty good', 'ok', 'suits me', 'we used to get along', 'I loved them once', 'we have kids', 'is my best friend', 'It's too hard to leave', 'once upon a time' etc etc blah blah blah... Im not saying any of these are my situations but I do seem to hear alot of my friends say these things and to be honest it kinda scares me.. Is that it!?? seriously?? just do it "because"...
I want fireworks, and big bangs, all night conversations, tingles when we touch and the feeling that it cant happen soon enough.. but does that happen anymore? Do soulmates really exist or is it a notion borne of fairytales and generations of hopeless discontent.. Im not saying I want to be joyously happy all the time, but 98% isnt much to ask for is it?? Or is a real soulmate the one who is the best friend, who you can look like crap in front of, who knows all your evil ways and bad mistakes and accepts you for who you are?? and whilst they can only really make 75% of your time together perfect, it's more perfect for you than any non existent perfect 'One' could ever be.. Not to mention a better option than waiting around 10yrs for Mr or Miss.Perfect and getting so old and desperate that in actual fact 25% perfect actually starts to look pretty good..
I guess until I hit that aisle smiling I just wont know.... and these are the days of our lives....................
until tomorrow
Mama, Madly......
Saturday, 21 January 2012
Sister, sister..
I have heaps of sisters, no really. I do.
My Dad has a few and my Mum has a few and together that makes heaps! Some I do not get to see as much as would be nice. but all of which I love just as much as the others..
I cannot go a day without sitting down, hot mug of steaming coffee in my hand, pick up the phone and have my daily 'crap talking session' with any one of my sisters.. Although in all honesty my youngest sister Emma and I seem to have the most 'empty' crap to talk about and we're both quite happy listening to each others inconsequential boring day to day garb about nothing and everything..
We have moments where we can sit on the phone, doing housework, talking to our kids, completely distracted and not talk, yet one or the other pipes up 'did you want me to go' there is almost a sigh of relief as the other one states 'Oh no, do you have too!!??' .. It's a strange phenomenon, this connecting without connecting, even over a phone line, Its a catch-up, a touching base, a part of our daily ritual that almost feels strange to miss out on.. Two days, and no call, no crap talk and either one will be on the phone "Hi stranger, whats going on? we havent spoken, its weird"..
I love my close family, I love we all see each other for special occasions and our kids have grown up being close, knowing each other, hanging out.. But there is something different in Sisterhood, inexplicable, which Im sure is the same for brothers.. Or even those friends who become family, like pulling on an old pair of socks, they just fit, "Soul sisters".. A nice comforting place to go to, one that makes you happy when you're not, solves your problems when you can't, or pulls you up and puts you in your place when you need it, without any residual bad feeling..
A few of us sisters caught up yesterday, a linen party.. Oh the joys of growing up into stepford housewives LOL, but it really was a great day, because we were there, talking shit and you walk away and just "feel good"!!! Dont get me wrong, there have been moments of torment, and hair pulling and name calling and bitch slapping, but the one point that I feel people do not pay much credence to is, Sisters, aside from parents, are one of the most important relationships in a woman's life..
Sisters or Soul-sisters are your first and your forever, best friends!! They are the one's who really do know you better than anybody else, will love you despite yourself, your faults or their own downfalls.. The Ones you know if at any stage you really need it, they will dance with joy next to you, or sob with sorrow at your losses and most importantly hold your hand in the moments that do not have words, yet your hearts still speak to each other..
So on that note, I pay homage to my sisters and soul-sisters alike.. I just love you.
Mama, Madly....
My Dad has a few and my Mum has a few and together that makes heaps! Some I do not get to see as much as would be nice. but all of which I love just as much as the others..
I cannot go a day without sitting down, hot mug of steaming coffee in my hand, pick up the phone and have my daily 'crap talking session' with any one of my sisters.. Although in all honesty my youngest sister Emma and I seem to have the most 'empty' crap to talk about and we're both quite happy listening to each others inconsequential boring day to day garb about nothing and everything..
We have moments where we can sit on the phone, doing housework, talking to our kids, completely distracted and not talk, yet one or the other pipes up 'did you want me to go' there is almost a sigh of relief as the other one states 'Oh no, do you have too!!??' .. It's a strange phenomenon, this connecting without connecting, even over a phone line, Its a catch-up, a touching base, a part of our daily ritual that almost feels strange to miss out on.. Two days, and no call, no crap talk and either one will be on the phone "Hi stranger, whats going on? we havent spoken, its weird"..
I love my close family, I love we all see each other for special occasions and our kids have grown up being close, knowing each other, hanging out.. But there is something different in Sisterhood, inexplicable, which Im sure is the same for brothers.. Or even those friends who become family, like pulling on an old pair of socks, they just fit, "Soul sisters".. A nice comforting place to go to, one that makes you happy when you're not, solves your problems when you can't, or pulls you up and puts you in your place when you need it, without any residual bad feeling..
A few of us sisters caught up yesterday, a linen party.. Oh the joys of growing up into stepford housewives LOL, but it really was a great day, because we were there, talking shit and you walk away and just "feel good"!!! Dont get me wrong, there have been moments of torment, and hair pulling and name calling and bitch slapping, but the one point that I feel people do not pay much credence to is, Sisters, aside from parents, are one of the most important relationships in a woman's life..
Sisters or Soul-sisters are your first and your forever, best friends!! They are the one's who really do know you better than anybody else, will love you despite yourself, your faults or their own downfalls.. The Ones you know if at any stage you really need it, they will dance with joy next to you, or sob with sorrow at your losses and most importantly hold your hand in the moments that do not have words, yet your hearts still speak to each other..
So on that note, I pay homage to my sisters and soul-sisters alike.. I just love you.
Mama, Madly....
Thursday, 19 January 2012
Dear Eamon..
I have been really busy all week, running around arranging my kids.. School goes back in two weeks, and with that so begines my littlest mans schooling career, and what a journey it has been..
I havent spoken about my son really, but I wanted to share this letter I wrote to him last year with you, a leter about this journey and how amazing he is.. I only hope other Mums and Dads out there in similar situations read it and find a piece of hope in their heart -:
Dear Eamon,
To my beautiful little boy Eamon Lewis,
This is a letter to you my beautiful little man, on the eve of what will be your first step into something very normal.. Something that we all take for granted, that we assume will happen for our children without a second thought..
Tomorrow is the first day that you will walk into a 'normal' school and you will participate in the "Step Into Prep" program.. Tomorrow may be just another day to many parents but tomorrow is for me so many emotions rolled into one I cannot even describe it's meaning.
Eamon, tomorrow you start preparations to begin primary school next year, something that for the first year and a half of your life we were told would never and dreamed would never be a reality for you. A dream we never thought would come to fruition, a dream I cried for many long nights, only praying that one day it would be your reality.
I do not think I have ever met anyone with such amazing determination and strength of spirit, you amaze me every single day. You have survived the unsurvivable, 22 strokes, degenerative epilepsy and what will be a life long battle with Hemiplegic Cerebral Palsy. You lived when they said you would not, walked when they said you could not and learnt more than I ever dreamed possible.. Tomorrow is a dawning, another notch on your amazing journey through life, tomorrow you in effect begin school! Not really until 2011, but its still a beginning!!
And whilst I know it may be a long and hard journey my babe, and as you get older and others realise your issues differentiate you from the crowd, please hold in your heart what I do everyday; You are phenomenal in every move, every word, every breathe, every thought you make and everything you do. Be proud of who you are and how far you have come, because I couldn't be prouder, and I definitely couldn't love you more than I do..
I love you my little bug, have an awesome first experience with school. You made it!!
~ The butterflies have begun in my tummy but I know he will be ok...
and now that everything is finally settled and sorted, not only can we say 'bring it on', I might actually be able to sit and write too :D
Mama, Madly...
I havent spoken about my son really, but I wanted to share this letter I wrote to him last year with you, a leter about this journey and how amazing he is.. I only hope other Mums and Dads out there in similar situations read it and find a piece of hope in their heart -:
Dear Eamon,
To my beautiful little boy Eamon Lewis,
This is a letter to you my beautiful little man, on the eve of what will be your first step into something very normal.. Something that we all take for granted, that we assume will happen for our children without a second thought..
Tomorrow is the first day that you will walk into a 'normal' school and you will participate in the "Step Into Prep" program.. Tomorrow may be just another day to many parents but tomorrow is for me so many emotions rolled into one I cannot even describe it's meaning.
Eamon, tomorrow you start preparations to begin primary school next year, something that for the first year and a half of your life we were told would never and dreamed would never be a reality for you. A dream we never thought would come to fruition, a dream I cried for many long nights, only praying that one day it would be your reality.
I do not think I have ever met anyone with such amazing determination and strength of spirit, you amaze me every single day. You have survived the unsurvivable, 22 strokes, degenerative epilepsy and what will be a life long battle with Hemiplegic Cerebral Palsy. You lived when they said you would not, walked when they said you could not and learnt more than I ever dreamed possible.. Tomorrow is a dawning, another notch on your amazing journey through life, tomorrow you in effect begin school! Not really until 2011, but its still a beginning!!
And whilst I know it may be a long and hard journey my babe, and as you get older and others realise your issues differentiate you from the crowd, please hold in your heart what I do everyday; You are phenomenal in every move, every word, every breathe, every thought you make and everything you do. Be proud of who you are and how far you have come, because I couldn't be prouder, and I definitely couldn't love you more than I do..
I love you my little bug, have an awesome first experience with school. You made it!!
~ The butterflies have begun in my tummy but I know he will be ok...
and now that everything is finally settled and sorted, not only can we say 'bring it on', I might actually be able to sit and write too :D
Mama, Madly...
Sunday, 15 January 2012
what!!????
Hello all, back again.. I apologise for taking the weekend off but sometimes we all just need to stop and breathe.. and this weekend that's exactly what I needed to do..
That brings me immediately to my point of today's rant, yes it feels like a bit of a rant.. Manners, and lack of them.. See I just showed my manners in apologising for my lack of absence.. Why? because it felt almost as if Id let someone down.. Which I know I hadn't, but it felt that way.. Even my own kids are slowly being lost to the dark side of 'Rude' on occasion.. Manners, no one seems to have any anymore!! Whatever happened to holding the door open for someone? or greeting strangers in salutation as you pass on the street? Or simple things like 'please' and 'thank-you'? or my most favourite thing to do in the whole world, catch someones eye and just SMILE..
I'm a very lucky woman, I tend to have a number of men around me who seem to have brought forth from the dark ages, old school gentlemanly traits such as holding the door, or walking on the road side of me, or carrying anything and everything I purchase at any given time.. I used to rebel against it, but as I have gotten older I recognise it for how it is intended, a caring gesture filled with love &/or at the very least an expression of respect..
It astounds me when we go out these days how many people just simply have bad, albeit no manners whatsoever.. In public, myself and my own children have lovely manners, and yet are never shown them, especially my children.. To the point of people knocking them down trying to get past without an 'excuse me' much less 'I'm sorry'.. It irritates me so much! I'm consistently hearing the older generations waffling on about 'bad-mannered' kids and 'kids these days have no respect' etc etc, yet in fact I see many kids & teens being very polite and helpful yet being completely disregarded and disrespected by these older folk.. and the Oldies wonder where kinds learn such bad behaviour.. ahem!!
So how do I personally deal with this issue?? Well I have found the best way without becoming aggressive or confrontational, is to be overly good mannered.. That's right, I kill people with kindness.. I smile bigger, I excuse people for them, I have even said on occasion, LOUDLY, 'Oh its ok madam, I wasn't standing in line waiting to be served, I was in actual fact waiting for the moment you would grace me with your presence, and now you have, my work is done.. Please go right ahead, Its my pleasure to allow you walk all over me, I mean be served before me'.. I do at this point generally Cheshire Cat Grin directly into their face, until their burning shame makes them hunch their back toward me and take off, internally screaming, as soon as the opportunity presents itself..
Seriously how hard is it to allow someone that 5 second head start through the door as you hold it open, or allowing a car to enter onto 'your' road.. is this what maybe it has come down to, we as humans 'MUST win' and 'oh no, its MINE'.. Well I don't accept that, so if you see a crazy haired lady walking along with kids in tow and you happen to bang into her, your fault, and give her that annoyed look instead of a shame faced apology, do not be surprised if even the tiniest one of her tribe pipes up "No worries, that's fine, She's ok'.. I guess which party has the good manners and which has the bad is all up to perception ;)
Mama, Madly.....
That brings me immediately to my point of today's rant, yes it feels like a bit of a rant.. Manners, and lack of them.. See I just showed my manners in apologising for my lack of absence.. Why? because it felt almost as if Id let someone down.. Which I know I hadn't, but it felt that way.. Even my own kids are slowly being lost to the dark side of 'Rude' on occasion.. Manners, no one seems to have any anymore!! Whatever happened to holding the door open for someone? or greeting strangers in salutation as you pass on the street? Or simple things like 'please' and 'thank-you'? or my most favourite thing to do in the whole world, catch someones eye and just SMILE..
I'm a very lucky woman, I tend to have a number of men around me who seem to have brought forth from the dark ages, old school gentlemanly traits such as holding the door, or walking on the road side of me, or carrying anything and everything I purchase at any given time.. I used to rebel against it, but as I have gotten older I recognise it for how it is intended, a caring gesture filled with love &/or at the very least an expression of respect..
It astounds me when we go out these days how many people just simply have bad, albeit no manners whatsoever.. In public, myself and my own children have lovely manners, and yet are never shown them, especially my children.. To the point of people knocking them down trying to get past without an 'excuse me' much less 'I'm sorry'.. It irritates me so much! I'm consistently hearing the older generations waffling on about 'bad-mannered' kids and 'kids these days have no respect' etc etc, yet in fact I see many kids & teens being very polite and helpful yet being completely disregarded and disrespected by these older folk.. and the Oldies wonder where kinds learn such bad behaviour.. ahem!!
So how do I personally deal with this issue?? Well I have found the best way without becoming aggressive or confrontational, is to be overly good mannered.. That's right, I kill people with kindness.. I smile bigger, I excuse people for them, I have even said on occasion, LOUDLY, 'Oh its ok madam, I wasn't standing in line waiting to be served, I was in actual fact waiting for the moment you would grace me with your presence, and now you have, my work is done.. Please go right ahead, Its my pleasure to allow you walk all over me, I mean be served before me'.. I do at this point generally Cheshire Cat Grin directly into their face, until their burning shame makes them hunch their back toward me and take off, internally screaming, as soon as the opportunity presents itself..
Seriously how hard is it to allow someone that 5 second head start through the door as you hold it open, or allowing a car to enter onto 'your' road.. is this what maybe it has come down to, we as humans 'MUST win' and 'oh no, its MINE'.. Well I don't accept that, so if you see a crazy haired lady walking along with kids in tow and you happen to bang into her, your fault, and give her that annoyed look instead of a shame faced apology, do not be surprised if even the tiniest one of her tribe pipes up "No worries, that's fine, She's ok'.. I guess which party has the good manners and which has the bad is all up to perception ;)
Mama, Madly.....
Thursday, 12 January 2012
The smallest assassins..
Headlice.
Do I even need to go on!? The bane of my existence, the terror in my belly, that almost irrepressible desire to reach for the hair clippers..
We've all had those moments right? you know the one's.. Where you're busy doing something, chatting away at the same time to your kids and out of the corner of your eye, you see it.. And your world stops.. It's like slow motion, as you watch your child slowly move their hand up to their head and start scratching like a flea riddled dog.. 'Noooooooooo'.. Its like a scene from a horror movie..
Nothing can ruin my day faster than one of my kids itching their head!! I do not think I could actually loathe anything as much as I loathe the 'Pediculus humanus' or as we all call them the common Headlice or NITS..
I also dont think anything can arm me up like a general off to war faster.. "Right!!! Lotion - check, combs - check, beds stripped - check and the list goes on... It takes me a whole day.. In fact I do play the victim on these days, but I waiver, backwards and forwards between the victim and conqueror.. 'Poor me, there goes my day' vs. 'Die you little scoundrels, die!!!'..
What gets to me are the parents who dont do anything about it.. They just let their poor kids get driven mad by tiny blood sucking assassins, and then the poor child unwittingly passes them on because their parents are just selfish and lazy.. and who pays?? The children.. Oh ok, we parents do also, but we can drink wine..
Its getting to the point in my home where its a weekly battle and I just dont know how many combings and hot washes one can do before admitting defeat.. I read an article yesterday that made me laugh, a woman talking about how she uses a vaccuum cleaner to rid the kids of said Lice LOL.. Maybe thats what I should do, throw out the combs and lotions and just before my kids arrive home, pour a glass of wine and plug the vacc in..
How was your day dears!? *kiss,kiss* here let me take your bag for you, just stand still for a sec *vacc,vacc* No darling that's Mummies drink, Now who wants a juice!!??
Mama, Madly....
Do I even need to go on!? The bane of my existence, the terror in my belly, that almost irrepressible desire to reach for the hair clippers..
We've all had those moments right? you know the one's.. Where you're busy doing something, chatting away at the same time to your kids and out of the corner of your eye, you see it.. And your world stops.. It's like slow motion, as you watch your child slowly move their hand up to their head and start scratching like a flea riddled dog.. 'Noooooooooo'.. Its like a scene from a horror movie..
Nothing can ruin my day faster than one of my kids itching their head!! I do not think I could actually loathe anything as much as I loathe the 'Pediculus humanus' or as we all call them the common Headlice or NITS..
I also dont think anything can arm me up like a general off to war faster.. "Right!!! Lotion - check, combs - check, beds stripped - check and the list goes on... It takes me a whole day.. In fact I do play the victim on these days, but I waiver, backwards and forwards between the victim and conqueror.. 'Poor me, there goes my day' vs. 'Die you little scoundrels, die!!!'..
What gets to me are the parents who dont do anything about it.. They just let their poor kids get driven mad by tiny blood sucking assassins, and then the poor child unwittingly passes them on because their parents are just selfish and lazy.. and who pays?? The children.. Oh ok, we parents do also, but we can drink wine..
Its getting to the point in my home where its a weekly battle and I just dont know how many combings and hot washes one can do before admitting defeat.. I read an article yesterday that made me laugh, a woman talking about how she uses a vaccuum cleaner to rid the kids of said Lice LOL.. Maybe thats what I should do, throw out the combs and lotions and just before my kids arrive home, pour a glass of wine and plug the vacc in..
How was your day dears!? *kiss,kiss* here let me take your bag for you, just stand still for a sec *vacc,vacc* No darling that's Mummies drink, Now who wants a juice!!??
Mama, Madly....
Wednesday, 11 January 2012
Better the devil you know??
I have heaps of mates, good friends, childless friends, artistic friends, amazing girly mummy friends, blokey mens men, ones from primary school, high school and a myriad of different work places that I have accumulated over the years.. but some of my most amazing friendship I have are born via the big bad wide world of the web..
Yes, I have internet friends.. Friends I've never literally met but I would go so far as to say that they are in fact some of my closest friends.. My 'Netty' friends,, and on occassion I wonder, how real is it!? Would we actually get along in Real Life!? How tangible is this bond?? and if it came to it would I want to meet, would that burst my bubble...??
Dont get me wrong, its not that I dont want to meet them, of course I'd love to *most do live interstate though* Its just that I worry what seems to be a mutually satisfying, supportive & stimulating friendship could disintergrate,, maybe they will disappoint me, maybe I in fact will disappoint them, I dont know, or is this or should this be a case of "If it aint broke, dont fix it"...
Some of my most amazing friendship were born from my need to talk to other Mothers who have children with Hemiplegic Cerebral Palsy like my 5yr old, I was scared, alone and needed support from people who just 'got it'.. These friendships I will have forever, I appreciate them beyond words, they have gotten me through my darkest hours, and I truely hope one day to meet..
What has really become apparent to me regarding internet friendships is, there are no silly 'looks/job/economic' judgements that can&do colour or stain *Real Life or R/L* friends, no petty drama that goes unresolved because Netty friends have the advantage of communication.. We talk, really talk, on a substantial level that is sometimes hard face to face.. About anything and everything, and we have interest in each others world, even the boring mundane stuff.. We share stories of our kids, our loves, our heartbreaks, our stupidity and we just 'enjoy' the others company, some of the things that in R/L we may not have the energy for in the moment that it is shared with us..
I used to scoff at people with 'Netty' friends or loves, but I get it, really get it now.. I dont mind being able to go for a cuppa or a shopping marathon or having a good laugh at the movies with a friend who knows me inside out we just 'are' in the moment together, but I can honestly say I dont know how I would survive with out my netties.. I may not 'know' them but I think sometimes there is more authenticity in a web laughing or crying session than sitting within 5ft of a real life friend..
Here's to all the Netty friends
Mama, Madly... xxx
Yes, I have internet friends.. Friends I've never literally met but I would go so far as to say that they are in fact some of my closest friends.. My 'Netty' friends,, and on occassion I wonder, how real is it!? Would we actually get along in Real Life!? How tangible is this bond?? and if it came to it would I want to meet, would that burst my bubble...??
Dont get me wrong, its not that I dont want to meet them, of course I'd love to *most do live interstate though* Its just that I worry what seems to be a mutually satisfying, supportive & stimulating friendship could disintergrate,, maybe they will disappoint me, maybe I in fact will disappoint them, I dont know, or is this or should this be a case of "If it aint broke, dont fix it"...
Some of my most amazing friendship were born from my need to talk to other Mothers who have children with Hemiplegic Cerebral Palsy like my 5yr old, I was scared, alone and needed support from people who just 'got it'.. These friendships I will have forever, I appreciate them beyond words, they have gotten me through my darkest hours, and I truely hope one day to meet..
What has really become apparent to me regarding internet friendships is, there are no silly 'looks/job/economic' judgements that can&do colour or stain *Real Life or R/L* friends, no petty drama that goes unresolved because Netty friends have the advantage of communication.. We talk, really talk, on a substantial level that is sometimes hard face to face.. About anything and everything, and we have interest in each others world, even the boring mundane stuff.. We share stories of our kids, our loves, our heartbreaks, our stupidity and we just 'enjoy' the others company, some of the things that in R/L we may not have the energy for in the moment that it is shared with us..
I used to scoff at people with 'Netty' friends or loves, but I get it, really get it now.. I dont mind being able to go for a cuppa or a shopping marathon or having a good laugh at the movies with a friend who knows me inside out we just 'are' in the moment together, but I can honestly say I dont know how I would survive with out my netties.. I may not 'know' them but I think sometimes there is more authenticity in a web laughing or crying session than sitting within 5ft of a real life friend..
Here's to all the Netty friends
Mama, Madly... xxx
Tuesday, 10 January 2012
I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date...
Time management. I dont have it.
I wish I did, I wish I was like all the other Mum's out there with their proverbial sh!t together, but Im not. Im not when Im not working anyway... Its amazing, put me in work clothes, take me away from my home and family for half the day and presto I am the most organised woman you've ever met, give me a year off work with Maternity leave and im lucky afte a full day of 'home-duties' if I can get dinner made before 8pm..
Now I dont know if it's just me or anyone else is affected by this phenomenon, but the busier I get the more capable i become.. When working I can change a nappy, cook that nights dinner, organise 2 play dates, find a missing pair of footy boots, put the rubbish out, straighten my hair and feed the goldfish and thats only in the first 5mins of having gotten out of bed..
And then there are the nothing days, at home, raining, stuck inside, and thats it, nothing else!! Its like I woke up and then all of a sudden its 5pm and I've not even got anything out of the freezer for dinner.. let alone done the brekky dishes.. I dont know whats wrong with me, I feel so guilty on these days, yet I just cannot pull the motivation from anywhere, not even my fat arse plonked on the couch during morning nap time happy to watch repeats of Dr.Phil..
I do know running on time has always, and will always be an issue for me, we learnt off the best, my siblings & I (of which there are 7) our own Mother is a 'I'll be there in 5' and 40mins later you're ringing saying 'um, where are you?'.. Ive managed to get around that, my main wall clock is put forward 10mins, I know its forward but somehow on some level this seems to work for me, not so much everyone else in my household, but you get that..
Its my my 2012 New Years resolution to conquer time.. I truly wonder if it's possible..... I mean June Cleaver from 'Leave it to Beaver' seemed happy right!!?? Or is it just in today's day and age we've all become a little like computers, we actually overload and desperately need to reboot in an attempt to still function, and if we dont we just burn out.. That'd be nice, "It's not my lazy butt you know, Im on a mission, Im dodging the blue screen of death.. Killer that one!!"...
Mama, Madly....
I wish I did, I wish I was like all the other Mum's out there with their proverbial sh!t together, but Im not. Im not when Im not working anyway... Its amazing, put me in work clothes, take me away from my home and family for half the day and presto I am the most organised woman you've ever met, give me a year off work with Maternity leave and im lucky afte a full day of 'home-duties' if I can get dinner made before 8pm..
Now I dont know if it's just me or anyone else is affected by this phenomenon, but the busier I get the more capable i become.. When working I can change a nappy, cook that nights dinner, organise 2 play dates, find a missing pair of footy boots, put the rubbish out, straighten my hair and feed the goldfish and thats only in the first 5mins of having gotten out of bed..
And then there are the nothing days, at home, raining, stuck inside, and thats it, nothing else!! Its like I woke up and then all of a sudden its 5pm and I've not even got anything out of the freezer for dinner.. let alone done the brekky dishes.. I dont know whats wrong with me, I feel so guilty on these days, yet I just cannot pull the motivation from anywhere, not even my fat arse plonked on the couch during morning nap time happy to watch repeats of Dr.Phil..
I do know running on time has always, and will always be an issue for me, we learnt off the best, my siblings & I (of which there are 7) our own Mother is a 'I'll be there in 5' and 40mins later you're ringing saying 'um, where are you?'.. Ive managed to get around that, my main wall clock is put forward 10mins, I know its forward but somehow on some level this seems to work for me, not so much everyone else in my household, but you get that..
Its my my 2012 New Years resolution to conquer time.. I truly wonder if it's possible..... I mean June Cleaver from 'Leave it to Beaver' seemed happy right!!?? Or is it just in today's day and age we've all become a little like computers, we actually overload and desperately need to reboot in an attempt to still function, and if we dont we just burn out.. That'd be nice, "It's not my lazy butt you know, Im on a mission, Im dodging the blue screen of death.. Killer that one!!"...
Mama, Madly....
Monday, 9 January 2012
Round the twist...
So how is everyone coping with school holidays??? because I personally, am not!! coping that is...
Dont get me wrong, I love my kids, more than life itself! but these moments creep up on me, silently, when I am looking at them and BAM, its screaming in my face "get me outta here"..!!!!! I truely believe that people do not own their truth on this subject.. Sometimes, just sometimes, we have 'Kid overload' or as I like to call it "Overdosed & ready to kill".. My poor babies I hear you say to yourself!!?? Um no, poor Mama..
I have three kids, a 14yr old lad who thinks he's a pimped out 25, a 5yr old with mild Autism(&Cerebral Palsy) who is hard work at the best of times god bless him, but his OCD could fell even the toughest of warriors and a 1yr old baby girl who, my last little blessing, has decided to be a 'hip baby' and when she wants Mama well 'SHE WANTS MAMA!!!'
Anyway, yes!! I've lost the plot, gone round the twist, my house looks like a bombs hit it, my business has fallen behind because I am lacking ME hours and if I have to do another dish I'm going to scream.. What I have come to realise is this, the best thing I can do (for me, and them) before throwing my most precious loves out for the Garbo is to leave the house *it will be here tomorrow* get outside in my backyard, in the grass with no shoes on and run and scream and play and twirl..
Did you know if you twirl fast enough whilst looking up at the sky and laughing as loud as you can, the division between the real world and the crazy world actually combine to a point where finally everything is just bloody brilliant....
As the saying goes, If you cant beat 'em, join 'em..
See you out the back ;)
Mama, Madly....
Dont get me wrong, I love my kids, more than life itself! but these moments creep up on me, silently, when I am looking at them and BAM, its screaming in my face "get me outta here"..!!!!! I truely believe that people do not own their truth on this subject.. Sometimes, just sometimes, we have 'Kid overload' or as I like to call it "Overdosed & ready to kill".. My poor babies I hear you say to yourself!!?? Um no, poor Mama..
I have three kids, a 14yr old lad who thinks he's a pimped out 25, a 5yr old with mild Autism(&Cerebral Palsy) who is hard work at the best of times god bless him, but his OCD could fell even the toughest of warriors and a 1yr old baby girl who, my last little blessing, has decided to be a 'hip baby' and when she wants Mama well 'SHE WANTS MAMA!!!'
Anyway, yes!! I've lost the plot, gone round the twist, my house looks like a bombs hit it, my business has fallen behind because I am lacking ME hours and if I have to do another dish I'm going to scream.. What I have come to realise is this, the best thing I can do (for me, and them) before throwing my most precious loves out for the Garbo is to leave the house *it will be here tomorrow* get outside in my backyard, in the grass with no shoes on and run and scream and play and twirl..
Did you know if you twirl fast enough whilst looking up at the sky and laughing as loud as you can, the division between the real world and the crazy world actually combine to a point where finally everything is just bloody brilliant....
As the saying goes, If you cant beat 'em, join 'em..
See you out the back ;)
Mama, Madly....
Sunday, 8 January 2012
quoted from the Movie "The Help"..
..quoted from the Movie "The Help".. I've had it running through my mind all day, I keep saying it over and over again.. It's brilliant really.. just had to share ♥ and if you haven't seen the movie, I suggest you do ..And the fat lady sings...
Well I don't know about you, but in all honesty, the fat lady has been singing for years here, inside of me and to me, in my head or in the way I move, how I behave or how I atleast portray myself.. She even sang when I wasn't.. Fat, that is.....
What is it with women, and this almost ageless obsession with body weight..!!?? No, seriously? does anybody really know.. And WHO exactly are the "Ones" that decided what shape or size is in this year and what is most definately out!!?? Is it the Marilyn or the Heroin-girl look we are striving for?? I imagine them to have an almost godlike ethereal stature, yet walk around with a 'Teacup' Chihuahua tucked into his or her Fendi bag, smoking a cigarette through a filter, looking down their nose at me with a rapturous french accented, "No dahhling, oh my, Noooooo"..
I think my own issue began in primary school.. I had big fat cheeks, perfect for squishing and kissing, just what I as a Mama love now, but not considered very pretty by the other girls.. Im also built like a brick sh!thouse I've been told by my 'Oh so loving' partner, who being a 30yr Surfing veteran is openly jealous of my "awesome broad shoulders babe".. Enough to make any woman feel feminine and sexy, yes!?
This brings me to my other point.. Men in actual fact dont really care that much about women's size, they dont notice that extra 5kgs you've been carrying around for the last 3yrs, which in actual fact has varied and moved anywhere between 3 and 15kgs, but '5kgs give or take' is a general concencus used worldwide by women, and I am by no means not guilty of the same subterfuge.. Men seem to be quite content as long as you shower, smell good, wear a bit of make-up sometimes and pat their ego's or elsewhere if you havent yet hit that point after many years where you just 'touch' on special occasions (but thats a whole other blog) to put up with or even quite seriously just not notice your excess wobbly bits.. and trust me, If a man cares, he will say it!!
Then there is other women!! dont get me started on other women.. Let's just say, we are the one's who give ourselves and each other the hardest time, even though we know how it feels to have bad days, weeks, months or even years.. How tired and unmotivated you can be after a week of teething and feral kids.. Or how some months we get PMS and bloating so bad, even the postman should be in camo, yet we still insist on bullshitting our way through sparse salad lunch dates and bather shopping spree's when you just want a steak&fries or you feel like curling up in the cubicle corner and dying with saggy boobed shame...
Even worse still, are those days of sheer anti-sisterhood when we look over other women with disdain, knowing full well how it felt last week when Barbie-wannabe did exactly the same thing to us, yet on some level feeling better about who we are because atleast one woman out there looked worse than us!! We've forgotten to value ourselves for ourselves, our parenting, our creativity, our brains, our business, our sensitivity, our friendship, and the list goes on.. We value ourselves through our ability to pull off skinny jeans without a muffin top, and I truely believe the Fat Lady is accountable!!
So yes, this year has started with the Fat lady warbling along, like a comfy pair of jeans I cannot throw away, but the truth is, I just turned 35. Im a big girl now, and that bitch is really pissing me off!! She is in every facet of my life, work, health, love.. She comes in between me and fun all the time, like in the park wanting to run free and laugh with my kids, but she makes me wonder what kind of show I'll be putting on for the other poor folk who may spot me flouncing around, just trying to have a pleasant day..
I truly hate that singing, indomitably, interfering old cow.. and she has to go.. I've outgrown her! I cannot hide behind her anymore, because that is what fat is, is it not? a protection?? I've come to realise on some level, it stupidly is in part, protection FROM the Fat Lady, and all the self fear and loathing she invites .. Well I'm on a mission, not unlike Joan of Arc, although my bottom and self worth are prize.. I am going to be mindful EVERY single day of the incessant song she sings in my brain and try to learn to unplug.. I am also going to lose 25kgs, but thats is also a whole other blog lol....
Till tomorrow...
Mama, Madly....
What is it with women, and this almost ageless obsession with body weight..!!?? No, seriously? does anybody really know.. And WHO exactly are the "Ones" that decided what shape or size is in this year and what is most definately out!!?? Is it the Marilyn or the Heroin-girl look we are striving for?? I imagine them to have an almost godlike ethereal stature, yet walk around with a 'Teacup' Chihuahua tucked into his or her Fendi bag, smoking a cigarette through a filter, looking down their nose at me with a rapturous french accented, "No dahhling, oh my, Noooooo"..
I think my own issue began in primary school.. I had big fat cheeks, perfect for squishing and kissing, just what I as a Mama love now, but not considered very pretty by the other girls.. Im also built like a brick sh!thouse I've been told by my 'Oh so loving' partner, who being a 30yr Surfing veteran is openly jealous of my "awesome broad shoulders babe".. Enough to make any woman feel feminine and sexy, yes!?
This brings me to my other point.. Men in actual fact dont really care that much about women's size, they dont notice that extra 5kgs you've been carrying around for the last 3yrs, which in actual fact has varied and moved anywhere between 3 and 15kgs, but '5kgs give or take' is a general concencus used worldwide by women, and I am by no means not guilty of the same subterfuge.. Men seem to be quite content as long as you shower, smell good, wear a bit of make-up sometimes and pat their ego's or elsewhere if you havent yet hit that point after many years where you just 'touch' on special occasions (but thats a whole other blog) to put up with or even quite seriously just not notice your excess wobbly bits.. and trust me, If a man cares, he will say it!!
Then there is other women!! dont get me started on other women.. Let's just say, we are the one's who give ourselves and each other the hardest time, even though we know how it feels to have bad days, weeks, months or even years.. How tired and unmotivated you can be after a week of teething and feral kids.. Or how some months we get PMS and bloating so bad, even the postman should be in camo, yet we still insist on bullshitting our way through sparse salad lunch dates and bather shopping spree's when you just want a steak&fries or you feel like curling up in the cubicle corner and dying with saggy boobed shame...
Even worse still, are those days of sheer anti-sisterhood when we look over other women with disdain, knowing full well how it felt last week when Barbie-wannabe did exactly the same thing to us, yet on some level feeling better about who we are because atleast one woman out there looked worse than us!! We've forgotten to value ourselves for ourselves, our parenting, our creativity, our brains, our business, our sensitivity, our friendship, and the list goes on.. We value ourselves through our ability to pull off skinny jeans without a muffin top, and I truely believe the Fat Lady is accountable!!
So yes, this year has started with the Fat lady warbling along, like a comfy pair of jeans I cannot throw away, but the truth is, I just turned 35. Im a big girl now, and that bitch is really pissing me off!! She is in every facet of my life, work, health, love.. She comes in between me and fun all the time, like in the park wanting to run free and laugh with my kids, but she makes me wonder what kind of show I'll be putting on for the other poor folk who may spot me flouncing around, just trying to have a pleasant day..
I truly hate that singing, indomitably, interfering old cow.. and she has to go.. I've outgrown her! I cannot hide behind her anymore, because that is what fat is, is it not? a protection?? I've come to realise on some level, it stupidly is in part, protection FROM the Fat Lady, and all the self fear and loathing she invites .. Well I'm on a mission, not unlike Joan of Arc, although my bottom and self worth are prize.. I am going to be mindful EVERY single day of the incessant song she sings in my brain and try to learn to unplug.. I am also going to lose 25kgs, but thats is also a whole other blog lol....
Till tomorrow...
Mama, Madly....
Saturday, 7 January 2012
Fantastic idea's at the time...
Wow, my first ever BLOG!!!
Helllooo 2012.. Hello to new beginnings and maybe even a quivering shy hello to what seemed to me to be a really fantastic idea at the time... Mama, Madly!!
This isnt the first time I've started something only to wonder as an after thought, 'What happens if I fail!?' or wonder why on earth I have chosen to take on board "another thing", because on some level I believe that not only am I not busy enough with my 3 kids, or work, own business or study, but I think I must also believe sleep is overrated...
The reality is, this is my journal, forum, contact with the outside world.. Where I get to be ME, and actually give birth to idea's that crash through my mind or intelligent conversation I never seem to get, in between dirty nappies and picking up stinky footy socks that have stuck to the carpet..
The funny thing is I always look at my technologically 'advanced' friends and think 'amazing' or 'I'd love to do that' but never find the mettle to begin.. I never seem to "find the time".. like most Mama's who never actually do something wholly and solely for themselves, it was a bit of a pipe dream..
So with that, and without even really saying anything really too important, the single most important thing has begun for me in 2012.. I am finally doing something for ME, and it really is a fantastic idea ;)
Yours Truly
Mama,Madly!!!
Helllooo 2012.. Hello to new beginnings and maybe even a quivering shy hello to what seemed to me to be a really fantastic idea at the time... Mama, Madly!!
This isnt the first time I've started something only to wonder as an after thought, 'What happens if I fail!?' or wonder why on earth I have chosen to take on board "another thing", because on some level I believe that not only am I not busy enough with my 3 kids, or work, own business or study, but I think I must also believe sleep is overrated...
The reality is, this is my journal, forum, contact with the outside world.. Where I get to be ME, and actually give birth to idea's that crash through my mind or intelligent conversation I never seem to get, in between dirty nappies and picking up stinky footy socks that have stuck to the carpet..
The funny thing is I always look at my technologically 'advanced' friends and think 'amazing' or 'I'd love to do that' but never find the mettle to begin.. I never seem to "find the time".. like most Mama's who never actually do something wholly and solely for themselves, it was a bit of a pipe dream..
So with that, and without even really saying anything really too important, the single most important thing has begun for me in 2012.. I am finally doing something for ME, and it really is a fantastic idea ;)
Yours Truly
Mama,Madly!!!
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