When we are growing up we do not realise that along life's journey we will inevitably face numerous battles..
Ones of the heart, the mind, morals, parenting, socioeconomic, peer group pressure or Jonesing, lifestyle, health, offspring, sibling, career, you name it..
At some stage no matter how fortuitous we are or how much Lady Luck has taken a shine to us, we will eventually have to fight...
The other thing no-one tells us is that our biggest and most fearsome foe is and always will be ourselves..
I have fought well and hard my entire life for what I believe to be worthy, I have fought to survive, to live a worthy life, to stay true to who I am.. I have fought perceptions of others and self, I believe as far as myself and my family goes, I truly have fought the good fight.. Now in my mid 30's I truly believed most of my fighting was done and then last week hit me. Like a strategic left fielded sniper attack, my life reached out and shot me fair square in the arse, and the wind in my sails was gone before I had even realised what was happening..
I had not one but 3 major parenting issues come up with my oldest child, and they weren't little, and they weren't of the "oh all teenagers do those types of things" genre, they were quite serious, and the sheer weight of them broke my heart.. I'm not going into any details, needless to say the very serious police matter was something my son had not been involved in *insert internal happy dance* BUT the stupidity of happy pills WAS a reality, and something that never occurred to me would ever ever be an issue due to my own past.. And due to the open honesty with which I had chosen to raise my children..
The situation, which is not my point in all of this, but just to calm fears, was very new and dealt with immediately.. but, I was a mess.
For longer than I have been in a while, I was an emotional mess and it amazed me how any given situation can rock your world, to the very core, and make you question everything. Everything you have ever said, done, taught, felt, thought. Who you are, where you are going and what in reality is your life's mission..
I have realised that thoughts I had 10yrs ago about the above questions are complete polar opposite realities of who I am now, and I am glad.. It has made me question my belief structure, and other.. Question my life, my morals, my views and most importantly myself. I have realised I am ALLOWED to be hypocritical, or change my mind or even have differing opinions on the same subject in regards to different people, even when in the past I tried to stay true to the very opposite. I am allowed because it has been earned and learnt, the hard way through thought and deed and life, and luckily for me wisdom has been my redemption.
It's made me realise we do fight, and it never stops, but it is a good thing. Why? because it means we never stop growing, never stop evolving, never stop becoming the best possible versions of ourselves. And like the domino effect when we are healthy it shines across those we surround ourselves with and can only help lift them up as well.
I have decided in the future, when I am faced with a battle to look upon it as opportunity and not feel knocked down or ripped off or worse yet, feel like I have failed in a way that even sometimes I cant explain why but the feeling of it is so big and dark it leaves empty holes inside of me.. Battles are an opportunity for growth, and more importantly for the birth of an even richer life.. Because there is always life from within the ashes..
..as Sun Tzu says in "The Art of War" -:
“Thus we may know that there are essentials for victory:
1 He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight.
2 He will win who knows how to handle both superior and inferior forces.
3 He will win whose army is animated by the same spirit throughout all its ranks.
4 He will win who, prepared himself, waits to take the enemy unprepared.
but I think his best battle tactic is this
“The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.”
even If it means ourselves...
Mama, Madly... xo
