Well I don't know about you, but in all honesty, the fat lady has been singing for years here, inside of me and to me, in my head or in the way I move, how I behave or how I atleast portray myself.. She even sang when I wasn't.. Fat, that is.....
What is it with women, and this almost ageless obsession with body weight..!!?? No, seriously? does anybody really know.. And WHO exactly are the "Ones" that decided what shape or size is in this year and what is most definately out!!?? Is it the Marilyn or the Heroin-girl look we are striving for?? I imagine them to have an almost godlike ethereal stature, yet walk around with a 'Teacup' Chihuahua tucked into his or her Fendi bag, smoking a cigarette through a filter, looking down their nose at me with a rapturous french accented, "No dahhling, oh my, Noooooo"..
I think my own issue began in primary school.. I had big fat cheeks, perfect for squishing and kissing, just what I as a Mama love now, but not considered very pretty by the other girls.. Im also built like a brick sh!thouse I've been told by my 'Oh so loving' partner, who being a 30yr Surfing veteran is openly jealous of my "awesome broad shoulders babe".. Enough to make any woman feel feminine and sexy, yes!?
This brings me to my other point.. Men in actual fact dont really care that much about women's size, they dont notice that extra 5kgs you've been carrying around for the last 3yrs, which in actual fact has varied and moved anywhere between 3 and 15kgs, but '5kgs give or take' is a general concencus used worldwide by women, and I am by no means not guilty of the same subterfuge.. Men seem to be quite content as long as you shower, smell good, wear a bit of make-up sometimes and pat their ego's or elsewhere if you havent yet hit that point after many years where you just 'touch' on special occasions (but thats a whole other blog) to put up with or even quite seriously just not notice your excess wobbly bits.. and trust me, If a man cares, he will say it!!
Then there is other women!! dont get me started on other women.. Let's just say, we are the one's who give ourselves and each other the hardest time, even though we know how it feels to have bad days, weeks, months or even years.. How tired and unmotivated you can be after a week of teething and feral kids.. Or how some months we get PMS and bloating so bad, even the postman should be in camo, yet we still insist on bullshitting our way through sparse salad lunch dates and bather shopping spree's when you just want a steak&fries or you feel like curling up in the cubicle corner and dying with saggy boobed shame...
Even worse still, are those days of sheer anti-sisterhood when we look over other women with disdain, knowing full well how it felt last week when Barbie-wannabe did exactly the same thing to us, yet on some level feeling better about who we are because atleast one woman out there looked worse than us!! We've forgotten to value ourselves for ourselves, our parenting, our creativity, our brains, our business, our sensitivity, our friendship, and the list goes on.. We value ourselves through our ability to pull off skinny jeans without a muffin top, and I truely believe the Fat Lady is accountable!!
So yes, this year has started with the Fat lady warbling along, like a comfy pair of jeans I cannot throw away, but the truth is, I just turned 35. Im a big girl now, and that bitch is really pissing me off!! She is in every facet of my life, work, health, love.. She comes in between me and fun all the time, like in the park wanting to run free and laugh with my kids, but she makes me wonder what kind of show I'll be putting on for the other poor folk who may spot me flouncing around, just trying to have a pleasant day..
I truly hate that singing, indomitably, interfering old cow.. and she has to go.. I've outgrown her! I cannot hide behind her anymore, because that is what fat is, is it not? a protection?? I've come to realise on some level, it stupidly is in part, protection FROM the Fat Lady, and all the self fear and loathing she invites .. Well I'm on a mission, not unlike Joan of Arc, although my bottom and self worth are prize.. I am going to be mindful EVERY single day of the incessant song she sings in my brain and try to learn to unplug.. I am also going to lose 25kgs, but thats is also a whole other blog lol....
Till tomorrow...
Mama, Madly....
No comments:
Post a Comment