Do penguins have it right??

So I'm thinking about the "one" and who or what that may mean..


Did you know, Penguins mate for life.. Yes life..!!   
They find their 'one', their perfect fit and they stay together as mates for the entirety of their existence.. Until they die..!!!  
I know the movie 'Happy Feet' has romanticised it.. The penguins found partners who matched their 'heartsong', but it makes me wonder, is it really a meeting of souls?? or an animalistic urge to be mated off at the drop of a hat, and if so is this true for all species including Humans??


As I get older I've started to question this whole Marriage scenario... Not that its not a lovely dream, one day I would like to find myself in a position where I truely feel this desire to proclaim myself to the world that I am sincerely happy if not ecstatic to be binding myself to another soul for life.. Oh yes, I've toyed with the notion, I've made plans, chosen dresses, worn the diamonds, even colour schemed and set the scene, yet something in me shies away from actually going through the motions and bringing it all to fruition..


That in itself makes me wonder, why!? and am I actually cutting my nose off to spite my face..


Should I or anyone for that matter, just up and marry someone who is 'pretty good', 'ok', 'suits me', 'we used to get along', 'I loved them once', 'we have kids', 'is my best friend', 'It's too hard to leave', 'once upon a time' etc etc blah blah blah... Im not saying any of these are my situations but I do seem to hear alot of my friends say these things and to be honest it kinda scares me.. Is that it!?? seriously?? just do it "because"...


I want fireworks, and big bangs, all night conversations, tingles when we touch and the feeling that it cant happen soon enough.. but does that happen anymore? Do soulmates really exist or is it a notion borne of fairytales and generations of hopeless discontent.. Im not saying I want to be joyously happy all the time, but 98% isnt much to ask for is it?? Or is a real soulmate the one who is the best friend, who you can look like crap in front of, who knows all your evil ways and bad mistakes and accepts you for who you are?? and whilst they can only really make 75% of your time together perfect, it's more perfect for you than any non existent perfect 'One' could ever be.. Not to mention a better option than waiting around 10yrs for Mr or Miss.Perfect and getting so old and desperate that in actual fact 25% perfect actually starts to look pretty good..


I guess until I hit that aisle smiling I just wont know.... and these are the days of our lives....................


until tomorrow
Mama, Madly......

Sister, sister..

I have heaps of sisters, no really. I do.

My Dad has a few and my Mum has a few and together that makes heaps! Some I do not get to see as much as would be nice. but all of which I love just as much as the others..

I cannot go a day without sitting down, hot mug of steaming coffee in my hand, pick up the phone and have my daily 'crap talking session' with any one of my sisters.. Although in all honesty my youngest sister Emma and I seem to have the most 'empty' crap to talk about and we're both quite happy listening to each others inconsequential boring day to day garb about nothing and everything..

We have moments where we can sit on the phone, doing housework, talking to our kids, completely distracted and not talk, yet one or the other pipes up 'did you want me to go' there is almost a sigh of relief as the other one states 'Oh no, do you have too!!??' .. It's a strange phenomenon, this connecting without connecting, even over a phone line, Its a catch-up, a touching base, a part of our daily ritual that almost feels strange to miss out on.. Two days, and no call, no crap talk and either one will be on the phone "Hi stranger, whats going on? we havent spoken, its weird"..

I love my close family, I love we all see each other for special occasions and our kids have grown up being close, knowing each other, hanging out.. But there is something different in Sisterhood, inexplicable, which Im sure is the same for brothers.. Or even those friends who become family, like pulling on an old pair of socks, they just fit, "Soul sisters".. A nice comforting place to go to, one that makes you happy when you're not, solves your problems when you can't, or pulls you up and puts you in your place when you need it, without any residual bad feeling..

A few of us sisters caught up yesterday, a linen party.. Oh the joys of growing up into stepford housewives LOL, but it really was a great day, because we were there, talking shit and you walk away and just "feel good"!!! Dont get me wrong, there have been moments of torment, and hair pulling and name calling and bitch slapping, but the one point that I feel people do not pay much credence to is, Sisters, aside from parents, are one of the most important relationships in a woman's life..

Sisters or Soul-sisters are your first and your forever, best friends!! They are the one's who really do know you better than anybody else, will love you despite yourself, your faults or their own downfalls.. The Ones you know if at any stage you really need it, they will dance with joy next to you, or sob with sorrow at your losses and most importantly hold your hand in the moments that do not have words, yet your hearts still speak to each other..

So on that note, I pay homage to my sisters and soul-sisters alike.. I just love you.

Mama, Madly....

Dear Eamon..

I have been really busy all week, running around arranging my kids.. School goes back in two weeks, and with that so begines my littlest mans schooling career, and what a journey it has been..

I havent spoken about my son really, but I wanted to share this letter I wrote to him last year with you, a leter about this journey and how amazing he is.. I only hope other Mums and Dads out there in similar situations read it and find a piece of hope in their heart -:

Dear Eamon,

To my beautiful little boy Eamon Lewis,
This is a letter to you my beautiful little man, on the eve of what will be your first step into something very normal.. Something that we all take for granted, that we assume will happen for our children without a second thought..

Tomorrow is the first day that you will walk into a 'normal' school and you will participate in the "Step Into Prep" program.. Tomorrow may be just another day to many parents but tomorrow is for me so many emotions rolled into one I cannot even describe it's meaning.

Eamon, tomorrow you start preparations to begin primary school next year, something that for the first year and a half of your life we were told would never and dreamed would never be a reality for you. A dream we never thought would come to fruition, a dream I cried for many long nights, only praying that one day it would be your reality.

I do not think I have ever met anyone with such amazing determination and strength of spirit, you amaze me every single day. You have survived the unsurvivable, 22 strokes, degenerative epilepsy and what will be a life long battle with Hemiplegic Cerebral Palsy. You lived when they said you would not, walked when they said you could not and learnt more than I ever dreamed possible.. Tomorrow is a dawning, another notch on your amazing journey through life, tomorrow you in effect begin school! Not really until 2011, but its still a beginning!!

And whilst I know it may be a long and hard journey my babe, and as you get older and others realise your issues differentiate you from the crowd, please hold in your heart what I do everyday; You are phenomenal in every move, every word, every breathe, every thought you make and everything you do. Be proud of who you are and how far you have come, because I couldn't be prouder, and I definitely couldn't love you more than I do..

I love you my little bug, have an awesome first experience with school. You made it!!

~ The butterflies have begun in my tummy but I know he will be ok...
and now that everything is finally settled and sorted, not only can we say 'bring it on', I might actually be able to sit and write too :D

Mama, Madly...

what!!????

Hello all, back again.. I apologise for taking the weekend off but sometimes we all just need to stop and breathe.. and this weekend that's exactly what I needed to do..

That brings me immediately to my point of today's rant, yes it feels like a bit of a rant.. Manners, and lack of them.. See I just showed my manners in apologising for my lack of absence.. Why? because it felt almost as if Id let someone down.. Which I know I hadn't, but it felt that way.. Even my own kids are slowly being lost to the dark side of 'Rude' on occasion.. Manners, no one seems to have any anymore!! Whatever happened to holding the door open for someone? or greeting strangers in salutation as you pass on the street? Or simple things like 'please' and 'thank-you'? or my most favourite thing to do in the whole world, catch someones eye and just SMILE..

I'm a very lucky woman, I tend to have a number of men around me who seem to have brought forth from the dark ages, old school gentlemanly traits such as holding the door, or walking on the road side of me, or carrying anything and everything I purchase at any given time.. I used to rebel against it, but as I have gotten older I recognise it for how it is intended, a caring gesture filled with love &/or at the very least an expression of  respect..

It astounds me when we go out these days how many people just simply have bad, albeit no manners whatsoever.. In public, myself and my own children have lovely manners, and yet are never shown them, especially my children.. To the point of people knocking them down trying to get past without an 'excuse me' much less 'I'm sorry'.. It irritates me so much! I'm consistently hearing the older generations waffling on about 'bad-mannered' kids and 'kids these days have no respect' etc etc, yet in fact I see many kids & teens being very polite and helpful yet being completely disregarded and disrespected by these older folk.. and the Oldies wonder where kinds learn such bad behaviour.. ahem!!

So how do I personally deal with this issue?? Well I have found the best way without becoming aggressive or confrontational, is to be overly good mannered.. That's right, I kill people with kindness.. I smile bigger, I excuse people for them, I have even said on occasion, LOUDLY, 'Oh its ok madam, I wasn't standing in line waiting to be served, I was in actual fact waiting for the moment you would grace me with your presence, and now you have, my work is done.. Please go right ahead, Its my pleasure to allow you walk all over me, I mean be served before me'.. I do at this point generally Cheshire Cat Grin directly into their face, until their burning shame makes them hunch their back toward me and take off, internally screaming, as soon as the opportunity presents itself..

Seriously how hard is it to allow someone that 5 second head start through the door as you hold it open, or allowing a car to enter onto 'your' road.. is this what maybe it has come down to, we as humans 'MUST win' and 'oh no, its MINE'.. Well I don't accept that, so if you see a crazy haired lady walking along with kids in tow and you happen to bang into her, your fault, and give her that annoyed look instead of a shame faced apology, do not be surprised if even the tiniest one of her tribe pipes up "No worries, that's fine, She's ok'.. I guess which party has the good manners and which has the bad is all up to perception ;)

Mama, Madly.....

The smallest assassins..

Headlice.


Do I even need to go on!? The bane of my existence, the terror in my belly, that almost irrepressible desire to reach for the hair clippers..


We've all had those moments right? you know the one's.. Where you're busy doing something, chatting away at the same time to your kids and out of the corner of your eye, you see it.. And your world stops.. It's like slow motion, as you watch your child slowly move their hand up to their head and start scratching like a flea riddled dog.. 'Noooooooooo'.. Its like a scene from a horror movie..


Nothing can ruin my day faster than one of my kids itching their head!! I do not think I could actually loathe anything as much as I loathe the 'Pediculus humanus' or as we all call them the common Headlice or NITS..


I also dont think anything can arm me up like a general off to war faster.. "Right!!! Lotion - check, combs - check, beds stripped - check and the list goes on... It takes me a whole day.. In fact I do play the victim on these days,  but I waiver, backwards and forwards between the victim and conqueror.. 'Poor me, there goes my day' vs. 'Die you little scoundrels, die!!!'..


What gets to me are the parents who dont do anything about it.. They just let their poor kids get driven mad by tiny blood sucking assassins, and then the poor child unwittingly passes them on because their parents are just selfish and lazy.. and who pays?? The children.. Oh ok, we parents do also, but we can drink wine..


Its getting to the point in my home where its a weekly battle and I just dont know how many combings and hot washes one can do before admitting defeat.. I read an article yesterday that made me laugh, a woman talking about how she uses a vaccuum cleaner to rid the kids of said Lice LOL.. Maybe thats what I should do, throw out the combs and lotions and just before my kids arrive home, pour a glass of wine and plug the vacc in..


How was your day dears!? *kiss,kiss* here let me take your bag for you, just stand still for a sec *vacc,vacc* No darling that's Mummies drink, Now who wants a juice!!??


Mama, Madly....

Better the devil you know??

I have heaps of mates, good friends, childless friends, artistic friends, amazing girly mummy friends, blokey mens men, ones from primary school, high school and a myriad of different work places that I have accumulated over the years.. but some of my most amazing friendship I have are born via the big bad wide world of the web..

Yes, I have internet friends.. Friends I've never literally met but I would go so far as to say that they are in fact some of my closest friends.. My 'Netty' friends,, and on occassion I wonder, how real is it!? Would we actually get along in Real Life!? How tangible is this bond?? and if it came to it would I want to meet, would that burst my bubble...??

Dont get me wrong, its not that I dont want to meet them, of course I'd love to *most do live interstate though* Its just that I worry what seems to be a mutually satisfying, supportive & stimulating friendship could disintergrate,, maybe they will disappoint me, maybe I in fact will disappoint them, I dont know, or is this or should this be a case of "If it aint broke, dont fix it"...

Some of my most amazing friendship were born from my need to talk to other Mothers who have children with Hemiplegic Cerebral Palsy like my 5yr old, I was scared, alone and needed support from people who just 'got it'.. These friendships I will have forever, I appreciate them beyond words, they have gotten me through my darkest hours, and I truely hope one day to meet..

What has really become apparent to me regarding internet friendships is, there are no silly 'looks/job/economic' judgements that can&do colour or stain *Real Life or R/L* friends, no petty drama that goes unresolved because Netty friends have the advantage of communication.. We talk, really talk, on a substantial level that is sometimes hard face to face.. About anything and everything, and we have interest in each others world, even the boring mundane stuff.. We share stories of our kids, our loves, our heartbreaks, our stupidity and we just 'enjoy' the others company, some of the things that in R/L we may not have the energy for in the moment that it is shared with us..

I used to scoff at people with 'Netty' friends or loves, but I get it, really get it now.. I dont mind being able to go for a cuppa or a shopping marathon or having a good laugh at the movies with a friend who knows me inside out we just 'are' in the moment together, but I can honestly say I dont know how I would survive with out my netties.. I may not 'know' them but I think sometimes there is more authenticity in a web laughing or crying session than sitting within 5ft of a real life friend..

Here's to all the Netty friends

Mama, Madly... xxx

I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date...

Time management. I dont have it.

I wish I did, I wish I was like all the other Mum's out there with their proverbial sh!t together, but Im not. Im not when Im not working anyway... Its amazing, put me in work clothes, take me away from my home and family for half the day and presto I am the most organised woman you've ever met, give me a year off work with Maternity leave and im lucky afte a full day of 'home-duties' if I can get dinner made before 8pm..

Now I dont know if it's just me or anyone else is affected by this phenomenon, but the busier I get the more capable i become.. When working I can change a nappy, cook that nights dinner, organise 2 play dates, find a missing pair of footy boots, put the rubbish out, straighten my hair and feed the goldfish and thats only in the first 5mins of having gotten out of bed..

And then there are the nothing days, at home, raining, stuck inside, and thats it, nothing else!! Its like I woke up and then all of a sudden its 5pm and I've not even got anything out of the freezer for dinner.. let alone done the brekky dishes.. I dont know whats wrong with me, I feel so guilty on these days, yet I just cannot pull the motivation from anywhere, not even my fat arse plonked on the couch during morning nap time happy to watch repeats of Dr.Phil..

I do know running on time has always, and will always be an issue for me, we learnt off the best, my siblings & I (of which there are 7) our own Mother is a 'I'll be there in 5' and 40mins later you're ringing saying 'um, where are you?'.. Ive managed to get around that, my main wall clock is put forward 10mins, I know its forward but somehow on some level this seems to work for me, not so much everyone else in my household, but you get that..

Its my my 2012 New Years resolution to conquer time.. I truly wonder if it's possible..... I mean June Cleaver from 'Leave it to Beaver' seemed happy right!!?? Or is it just in today's day and age we've all become a little like computers, we actually overload and desperately need to reboot in an attempt to still function, and if we dont we just burn out.. That'd be nice, "It's not my lazy butt you know, Im on a mission, Im dodging the blue screen of death.. Killer that one!!"...

Mama, Madly....

Round the twist...

So how is everyone coping with school holidays??? because I personally, am not!! coping that is...


Dont get me wrong, I love my kids, more than life itself! but these moments creep up on me, silently, when I am looking at them and BAM, its screaming in my face "get me outta here"..!!!!! I truely believe that people do not own their truth on this subject.. Sometimes, just sometimes, we have 'Kid overload' or as I like to call it "Overdosed & ready to kill".. My poor babies I hear you say to yourself!!?? Um no, poor Mama..


I have three kids, a 14yr old lad who thinks he's a pimped out 25, a 5yr old with mild Autism(&Cerebral Palsy) who is hard work at the best of times god bless him, but his OCD could fell even the toughest of warriors and a 1yr old baby girl who, my last little blessing, has decided to be a 'hip baby' and when she wants Mama well 'SHE WANTS MAMA!!!'


Anyway, yes!! I've lost the plot, gone round the twist, my house looks like a bombs hit it, my business has fallen behind because I am lacking ME hours and if I have to do another dish I'm going to scream.. What I have come to realise is this, the best thing I can do (for me, and them) before throwing my most precious loves out for the Garbo is to leave the house *it will be here tomorrow* get outside in my backyard, in the grass with no shoes on and run and scream and play and twirl..


Did you know if you twirl fast enough whilst looking up at the sky and laughing as loud as you can, the division between the real world and the crazy world actually combine to a point where finally everything is just bloody brilliant....


As the saying goes, If you cant beat 'em, join 'em..
See you out the back ;)


Mama, Madly....

quoted from the Movie "The Help"..

..quoted from the Movie "The Help".. I've had it running through my mind all day, I keep saying it over and over again.. It's brilliant really.. just had to share ♥ and if you haven't seen the movie, I suggest you do ..

And the fat lady sings...

Well I don't know about you, but in all honesty, the fat lady has been singing for years here, inside of me and to me, in my head or in the way I move, how I behave or how I atleast portray myself.. She even sang when I wasn't.. Fat, that is.....


What is it with women, and this almost ageless obsession with body weight..!!?? No, seriously? does anybody really know.. And WHO exactly are the "Ones" that decided what shape or size is in this year and what is most definately out!!?? Is it the Marilyn or the Heroin-girl look we are striving for?? I imagine them to have an almost godlike ethereal stature, yet walk around with a 'Teacup' Chihuahua tucked into his or her Fendi bag, smoking a cigarette through a filter, looking down their nose at me with a rapturous french accented, "No dahhling, oh my, Noooooo"..


I think my own issue began in primary school.. I had big fat cheeks, perfect for squishing and kissing, just what I as a Mama love now, but not considered very pretty by the other girls.. Im also built like a brick sh!thouse I've been told by my 'Oh so loving' partner, who being a 30yr Surfing veteran is openly jealous of my "awesome broad shoulders babe".. Enough to make any woman feel feminine and sexy, yes!?


This brings me to my other point.. Men in actual fact dont really care that much about women's size, they dont notice that extra 5kgs you've been carrying around for the last 3yrs, which in actual fact has varied and moved anywhere between 3 and 15kgs, but '5kgs give or take' is a general concencus used worldwide by women, and I am by no means not guilty of the same subterfuge.. Men seem to be quite content as long as you shower, smell good, wear a bit of make-up sometimes and pat their ego's or elsewhere if you havent yet hit that point after many years where you just 'touch' on special occasions (but thats a whole other blog) to put up with or even quite seriously just not notice your excess wobbly bits.. and trust me, If a man cares, he will say it!!


Then there is other women!! dont get me started on other women.. Let's just say, we are the one's who give ourselves and each other the hardest time, even though we know how it feels to have bad days, weeks, months or even years.. How tired and unmotivated you can be after a week of teething and feral kids.. Or how some months we get PMS and bloating so bad, even the postman should be in camo, yet we still insist on bullshitting our way through sparse salad lunch dates and bather shopping spree's when you just want a steak&fries or you feel like curling up in the cubicle corner and dying with saggy boobed shame...
Even worse still, are those days of sheer anti-sisterhood when we look over other women with disdain, knowing full well how it felt last week when Barbie-wannabe did exactly the same thing to us, yet on some level feeling better about who we are because atleast one woman out there looked worse than us!! We've forgotten to value ourselves for ourselves, our parenting, our creativity, our brains, our business, our sensitivity, our friendship, and the list goes on.. We value ourselves through our ability to pull off skinny jeans without a muffin top, and I truely believe the Fat Lady is accountable!!


So yes, this year has started with the Fat lady warbling along, like a comfy pair of jeans I cannot throw away, but the truth is, I just turned 35. Im a big girl now, and that bitch is really pissing me off!! She is in every facet of my life, work, health, love.. She comes in between me and fun all the time, like in the park wanting to run free and laugh with my kids, but she makes me wonder what kind of show I'll be putting on for the other poor folk who may spot me flouncing around, just trying to have a pleasant day..
I truly hate that singing, indomitably, interfering old cow.. and she has to go.. I've outgrown her! I cannot hide behind her anymore, because that is what fat is, is it not? a protection?? I've come to realise on some level, it stupidly is in part, protection FROM the Fat Lady, and all the self fear and loathing she invites .. Well I'm on a mission, not unlike Joan of Arc, although my bottom and self worth are prize.. I am going to be mindful EVERY single day of the incessant song she sings in my brain and try to learn to unplug.. I am also going to lose 25kgs, but thats is also a whole other blog lol....


Till tomorrow...
Mama, Madly....

Fantastic idea's at the time...

Wow, my first ever BLOG!!!

Helllooo 2012.. Hello to new beginnings and maybe even a quivering shy hello to what seemed to me to be a really fantastic idea at the time... Mama, Madly!!

This isnt the first time I've started something only to wonder as an after thought, 'What happens if I fail!?' or wonder why on earth I have chosen to take on board "another thing", because on some level I believe that not only am I not busy enough with my 3 kids, or work, own business or study, but I think I must also believe sleep is overrated...

The reality is, this is my journal, forum, contact with the outside world.. Where I get to be ME, and actually give birth to idea's that crash through my mind or intelligent conversation I never seem to get, in between dirty nappies and picking up stinky footy socks that have stuck to the carpet..

The funny thing is I always look at my technologically 'advanced' friends and think 'amazing' or 'I'd love to do that' but never find the mettle to begin.. I never seem to "find the time".. like most Mama's who never actually do something wholly and solely for themselves, it was a bit of a pipe dream..  

So with that, and without even really saying anything really too important, the single most important thing has begun for me in 2012.. I am finally doing something for ME, and it really is a fantastic idea ;)

Yours Truly
Mama,Madly!!!