A place to call home, I mean alone...

Do you have a spot? A space? You know where you give the universal two handed "T" sign that everyone knows means TIME OUT!!!!

I do. Have a place that is. It's small, but its warm and its very much alone. I'm meant to be naked when I'm using it so sometimes sitting fully clad in here feels almost naughty but I do it. I do, do it, all the time.

In fact I'm writing this blog in here now.. It's my en suite, I'm sitting on the toilet with the lid down, the heat lamps on, Sinead O'Connor's - The Lion and the Cobra is beating out of my phone into the palms of my hands whilst I type and the quiet takes me to a Blaise place I rarely get to go anymore..

You know that internal place, of peace and stillness and just being, that is easy & full of a level of consciousness of oneself it's almost an unconscious state..

  

I need alone time, it's a given, completely unquestioned, and generally on a daily level if only for a minute. If I've hit the point where I lock myself away then those surrounding me know its best to leave me to my own devices, I'll disconnect so I can reconnect and it will be fine.. I am left alone, and not spoken to, and I like it. I like being with people without the need to speak. It's my favourite kind of silence.. The kind where we don't feel like we need to fill the void, as if in silence there is lack, because there is not. Silence can say so much.. My loud demeanour can be very quiet, sometimes, frequently, I just need somewhere to sit, to be, all alone with quiet and space enough in my surrounding energy so I can just be with myself and reconnect.. To all that is me.. Where external life cannot be heard, and everything just 'goes away'..

Do you ever feel like you are being pulled in so many directions you could be ripped in half? Life and parenting and professionalism always seem to do that.. I think we all believe its called growing up, but I'm realizing more and more its called disconnecting, with self.. We stop being US so much that we become everything we are not. Sometimes I am still youthful of spirit, and 26!! not the reality of 10yrs older and feeling like I'm 10 older on top of that.. Sometimes I'm lots of things and its all ok.. I'm the angry warrior, the beguiled artist, the overwhelmed mother, the intrigued teen, the naughty child.. We all are, but we forget and sometimes we need to remember.. Because if we are not who we are then why do we bother..

I'd like to be an architect, build houses, homes. I'd put a smallish room in every single house, with a skylight, heating, cooling, seating, wifi, music, books or no books whatever people want, and then I'd soundproof it all.. Like a panic room with all the ease of tranquility.. A time out room, in the best possible sense of the word, so that by reconnecting with themselves, everyone could reconnect with each other because whatever life is, it should be connected.. 

Anyway, I'm off, I feel better, this made me feel better.. I love my "al-own" time!!