An open letter to The Man.....

Sometimes we make big things out of little thing and vice versa but they always in turn show us the reality of us, who we are, what we want and what we need.. Sometimes the smallest things give us the biggest lessons. This is an open letter to The Man, the one's of the past the one's of the future, this is just what it is............

I do not need excuses.
I need a man.
I need a man who is in line with me being a woman.
I need a man who will step into the fire with me.
Who meets me halfway.
I need consistency.
I need commitment.
I need honesty.
I need trustworthiness.
I need integrity.
I don't just need them I want them.

I want someone who values me as a whole.
Who understands when I put my heart in their hands it is something to be cherished and valued.
I need someone who is invested in me,
As I am invested in them
And treats that as a sacred space.

A man who is not in contact with the women he was sleeping with before me, let alone other ladies that may become new paths to wander down. He does not keep those doors open.
Not a man who has their interests invested in so many different areas that they are spread thin and scattered. He recognises that in keeping lines of communication open to other old loves and new possibilities means he doesn't have to commit fully to the present and to me, that this is not acceptable and a betrayal of trust that can be hard to ever mend, he sees the disrespect and hurt that it causes. So he doesn't.

I need someone who recognises I am not an option. There is no back up plan. He is not even interested in looking. We've got this. Together. I'm am a worthy investment, I am home.

I need a man who does not sit is his past and use it to excuse his life now and his behaviours, I need a man who owns his own bullshit. As do I.
I need a man who is man enough to step into his role as a King does to his Queen and does not question it. And never backs down. We have each others back. EVERY SINGLE TIME. Our loyalty never questioned.

I need a man who joins me when I say that anyone who tries to enter or re-enter my sacred space I keep for him and only him, in no uncertain terms has been told that my heart is invested with someone and I will not tolerate anyone who tries to enter that space, it is ours and ours alone.
And any woman trying to manoeuvre into our sacred space is kicked to the kerb without hesitation because he recognises the game and will not play it with my heart on the line.

I need respect.
As I would respect him.

I need that man to realise these are all very normal desires, needs and wants for a normal functioning healthy relationship and these are not unreasonable, I need him to know I in turn will offer all of that and more.

I need a connected man who wants to be my man and wants me to be his woman and does not hide me in shame, or fears he is cutting off other avenues. He owns me and our love publically because he is proud to call me his woman.

I want a man who has no doubt that I am the only road he wants to travel and build a future, a home and a life with me. Whether either of us come with empty arms and full hearts or an empire and a broken soul, we merge, we become US.

Be my best friend, my confidante, my biggest supporter.
Someone I can laugh with, talk to, be silent with, yell at, make up with, never feel like I am unheard or underestimated or ignored or unloved. Who only ever lays his hands on me in a loving or playful touch.
Someone who realises our life is the foundation to build everything else upon.

Someone I can trust with my life.

Who chooses me and it feels like freedom and not a burden.
Who knows I will hold him above all other men even when times get tough or money is tight or work is bad or kids are sick or nights get long I will love him harder and I will never walk, never leave, never abandon him as he would never do to me. I will be 80% when he can only be 20% and vice versa. I will support him without question. Even when I don't want to, as he will do for me in return.

A man who is prepared to fight and work for our relationship. One who talks to me. I need genuine. I need generosity of spirit. Who never disregards my feelings or thoughts or processes.
I need a man with endurance because if you are going to atleast try you need to be all in to really give it a red hot go.

I do not want a friend I fuck.
Someone I get only on their terms. Only when they want or desire. Who pushes me away when I get too close and sucks me in when I start to wander too far and maybe he might lose me.

I want a partner. I deserve the universe. My man deserves the universe.
We should have that together. Even if that Universe is just us, happy, living and building a world for ourselves, being the best of ourselves that we can be and totally supporting each other in that.

So to all the men knocking on my door who do not want that.
You are not and will never be the man.
I am too old to be fucking around anymore, I am too aware to allow my precious time left to be wasted, I would rather be alone than half invested. I do not want to live with regret.
I am a sorted woman, I don't actually need a man but I would like one to share my life with.
Do I expect a lot? Sure.. but it is nothing I will not give back in return.

For all the men I allowed access
The one's I've loved
I am not sorry for that.
But you are not the man.

It is heartbreaking and sad
Because you could of been the man,
I would never have allowed you in if I did not see that inside you.
So It's not that you are not the man,
It's that you chose not to be the man.
So you are not the man.

The man will meet me on the bridge, In the fire, In the middle and when one jumps the other jumps too. Sometimes a real Soulmate comes into your life to slap you awake so you can start living your best life for you. Maybe you were not the man nor I the woman but we did slap each other awake.

To all the men I have loved you are so this man you just don't believe it or trust yourself or anyone else. So I have to let go, allow you the freedom to go, to be miserable with a girl who puts up with your shit and allows you to be badly behaved and never answerable for how you treat her. A girl will do that. A woman will not. A woman wants to empower you, not hold you back.

Your girl won't want the Universe for you, she'll make you into her universe, she won't want your growth or for you to reach your potential as a man. To open up to all that you are, that the world has pushed down inside you with heartbreak and unrelenting fear and pain.
You'll be safe with her. Because you are not really invested and she will never insist on it in case she loses you in the outfalls like I have done each and every time I stand up for myself and my rights and my needs, but also trying to empower a man to step up who is too scared to fly.
Eventually it will kill you, kill your spirit, because there is no life in mediocrity and all your could have been's will rise up like bile, burning every word you speak and  haunting your long lonely nights but you'll be safe and in total control. It breaks my heart for you. But....

Me?
I'm removing myself from any love equation if you are not or cannot or are unwilling to try.
Why?
Because I deserve everything, and,

This time I choose ME.

"If a battle cannot be won do not fight it." - SunTzu -The Art of War-

Mama, Madly...................