Angry Girl Music..

Yesterday I downloaded a copy of Alanis Morrisette's "Jagged Little Pill" album.. If no-one remembers her she's the brunette with serious long hair, a nasally wail, an attitude most people found confronting, who sang angry girl music about irony and how &%$#@ she was, or maybe it was about how &^%$# everyone else was and she was perfect?? Its hard to tell these days..


I love angry girl music, what can I say.. It has helped me struggle through the worst of times, it has on occasion given me a backbone where before there had only been fear and self loathing..
I'm listening to the album as I write, I know every single word, every note, even the break in between.. Wow, she was an angry lady and lyrics wise I'd say a man was at the base of it.. .. And I completely get it.


On some level I guess singer/writers/famous people like Alanis give women a bad name when it comes to man bashing.. I am not a man basher, In fact I love men..!! I love the differences between men and women, I appreciate even the simple and apparent differences like a women's softness and the rugged masculinity of a man's physique in comparison, Its actually one of the things I like best about men, how feminine they make me feel, If only I allow it.. I don't believe in emasculating men from their role as hunter gatherers, in reality women don't empower themselves when they think they do because they supposedly don't 'need' a man's help.. In fact women who 'allow' men to "provide" so they feel like a galant knight, doesn't make women powerless..!! I personally believe, if we can make a man feel this way its actually very empowering..


Hell, I can mow my own lawns and I can change a car tyre, I can even do a head gasket or put Ikea furniture together if need be, but its so much nicer allowing men to be the saviour and us be the damsel in distress.. Its not a truth, especially in this day and age of capability, but if it makes both our ego's and all our needs to feel needed or loved are fulfilled then who really is it hurting.. Damn feminists..!!

Man-bashing was not all Alanis raged about on this album, she raged on about friends, parents, even the church, it was all about LACK, but still I listen.. Still I love it.. I finally can see this album, was borne I am quite sure at the time when she was going through her own 'dark night of the soul' and she was pissed off at every thing and everyone. I so get it, I've been there. Most people have.. I don't agree with a lot of her complaints, although at one time I did, and I really needed her..!! Especially during my first longterm relationship breakup, this album was my "YEAH.." moment everyday.. and even now I'm going yeahhh, but its on such a different level, and I'm really enjoying it..!!


Thank goodness for growing up, and wisdom.. Alanis {and all the other angry girl music I have or do still listen to} has taught me to allow my self-righteous rage, to empower myself, and most of all to not be a victim.. My age has taught me this album was most probably borne from victim mentality, I can own my decisions and my own part in issues these days, Ive learnt personal responsibility..


Don't think I'll listen to this album as faithfully as I once did, I've already moved on to Otis Redding, but I do still and I'm sure always will love it..
Thanks Alanis, Ive got one hand in my pocket and the other one is giving you the peace sign ;) xx


Mama, Madly.... xoxo

Trash or treasure and the adventure within..

When I was seven this friend of mine, I think her name name was Rebecca or maybe it was Elizabeth, well her name is irrelevant now, but anyway, she had miniature 'Hello Kitty' erasers.. and they smelt like strawberries.. How I coveted that rubber collection (no pun intended)..

When I was nine, I had the She-ra Crystal Castle & of course to go with that I had her brother He-man and his Castle Greyskull, including all their sidekicks, good and bad.. I loved that castle and that kickarse warrior woman more than life itself and was devastated when it was left behind in an interstate move..
Well, the list goes on, before and after these ages.. Four it was Holly Hobbie, 5yrs old I was obsessed with all things Strawberry Shortcake, six it was Rainbow Brite and her Sprites, I'm pretty sure by eight I was besotted with Punky Brewster and by eleven I had bought and read every Nancy Drew and Trixie Belden girl detective books I could possibly find..

I am now 35.. I am a mother a few times over, I have teenagers and little ones, I am a grown up, and last month I bought a set of She-ra dolls for my kids.. Ok, who am I kidding I admit it, they were for me.. My kids don't give a toss about any of the above toys.. The magic they imbued in my childhood has not transcended time, and there is no joy in my children's eyes when they look at them.. But I tell you what, sitting in the toy room with my new but old purchases it was like time stood still, stars lit the room and some romantic melody hummed its own tune in my head.. I was back in my childhood, completely in love, so pure and innocent..

As much as I giggle at my collections {and I have collections of all of the above plus some} and how I laugh at myself over my ecstatically zealous reactions at finding mint condition Cabbage patch dolls in Thrift shops etc, I really do appreciate the energy and relationship these inanimate objects have with who I am and have become today.. They ARE me..

We have so much 'spirit' and creative imagination when we are young, its really sad when life casts shadows over it.. I'm trying to bring back the magic, my 5yr old and the 18mth old (although she isnt yet understanding), go on big extensive "Treasure Hunts"!! We scour opp shops, trash & treasures and secondhand vintage markets. Looking for what hopefully as it states is, albeit someone else's trash, our very own exciting and beloved new treasure.. Sure we come home with a lot of what many would only call crap, but sometimes we also come home with pearls, that have created whole scenes or activities of unimaginable fun we build upon everyday.. I'm not going to apologise for being a big kid at heart, or having a slightly eclectic and eccentric collection of 'stuff'.. Instead I'm going to enjoy the moments I share with my kids building whole new fantasy worlds they can get lost in, and occasionally sneak in an play with these treasures all by myself..

I think everyone should go treasure hunting, and decide to make it their best adventure yet..
I'm definitely not about to stop...

Anyone feel like storming Skeletor up in Snake Mountain with me??? ;)

Mama, Madly xox

Time flies when you're being Mum..

I cannot believe it..
Four whole months have passed..
That's over 120+ days
Days when I absolutely had a lot to say but didn't..
It feels like I haven't been here forever.


I can only claim being lost to the world that is Mum.


I have had huge upheavals this year, my baby hit terrible 2's and she's only One, my 5yr old preppy A.S.D child with Cerebral Palsy finally after years of putting it off had to be medicated for his behavioural issues {a whole other blog} and my oldest lad left high school *Yr.10* to attend Tafe.
Whew, that in itself is a huge drama no one warned me about in the parenting advice people tend to dole out quite frequently, and all for free.. "One day your child will decide to do something you don't want for them, like leave school and >shabang< your own ego is shattered" yes I said it, I am honest, my ego! MINE..


I envisioned my son going on to an amazingly glittery, well paid, high end, upper class job where his brilliance and intelligence born and bred from myself would shine through, but it wasn't to be.. Don't get me wrong, My lad is ridiculously clever, has amazing scope in understanding any given concept, he is just not cut out for the classroom.. His mind wanders, he has itchy feet, he is completely and utterly forgetful and disorganised, all facts I'm ashamed to admit, he got from me... But I always saw him in a red velvet cape and crown...!!??


My biggest issue with this at the moment is the fact that its increasingly being brought to my attention how judgemental people are, and it makes me irate.. It also makes me irate that it had somehow rubbed off on me also.. Ive heard it indirectly at my kids schools, my work life and also in my personal life.. People talking about 'blue collar' and second class/ second rate, and white trash.. What happened to all this amazing enlightenment we've supposedly had?? The age of Aquarius?? When did society go so backward again??

I found myself getting sucked back in to that mindset, that where you live, what you drive, what u wear etc is who you are and then I had it intimated to me, that because my son will not {supposedly} go very far in life due to leaving school *gawwff* he isn't good enough for a certain girl who is so sadly clueless in her upbringing so far, I hate to think of adulthood, she has tantrums when she doesn't get her own way!! Mum passes it off as sensitivity *what the*.. yes well, cute at 14 maybe, at 24?? I think not.. big LIGHTBULB moment, thankyou epiphany, you little nymph you..


I try very hard to live an Organic life, don't misunderstand, I'm not a peace love and mung beans, recycle your toilet paper and grow your own radishes for 'energy shakes' kinda girl, but I do try to live as real and as honestly as I can, with compassion and love for the life that I live.. I want my children to embody these important ideals also, things that I believe only coming from a certain lifestyle can give you, things like appreciation for every chance you are given, without on some level feeling like you are entitled.. Thankfulness for all of your moments, the laughter, the smiles even sometimes the lessons being learnt from your tears.. I want my kids to appreciate silly things like just because they aren't brand name $200 jeans doesn't make the jeans that cover your bum from a lesser label any less worthy or the fact you are wearing them, make you less worthy.. If $50 jeans make us blue collar white trash then its a label I am happy to wear...


I want my kids to come from integrity and honesty. To be really real.. So when my son asked me if he could leave mainstream high school to finish yr.10 in Tafe and then start a Carpentry*builder* apprenticeship I was beside myself, and then I remembered that in actual fact a trade doesn't not equate to a 'lower socio economic' scale, or lack of intelligence, it rather gives my son a place to begin because school (and who are we kidding, its a joke these days whats being taught) wasn't going to ever take him as far as he could go.. Not only will he be working whilst also learning and still schooling he will be using his hands and creating, an art form no longer really passed on through the generations from father to son anymore. Something that has been lost to this world of computers and high finance and brand based worth, in all its shallowness, an art form like woodworking has quietly died.. I'm actually really happy when I think about it now, that not only has my son made an amazingly mature decision, I wont have to worry about him because even if the market drops out or there is a share crash, atleast he can build a roof over his own head..


and if the shit really hits the fan, The ARK was made from wood yeah!!??


till tomorrow (yes I promise to return) 
Mama, Madly...!!!

Washing Basket Technique 101..

Yes, I've been absent.. I know this.. I am more than aware of this fact.. I am wild haired, crazy eyed at this fact.. Well not just about my blog obviously, about my life..
Can anyone say "Time management issues!!??"..


Yep, aha, thats me.. I spend so much time doing so many things, I actually end up getting nothing done.. Thats how it feels anyway... My head is always running, a million miles an hour, I dont sleep alot either.. You would think with an engaged brain and numerous 'awake' hours this little black duck would be able to surpass the relatively medium 'to do' list standards of the average SAHM.. well NO.. I dont, and cant seem to, even if and when Im trying my hardest..


I think I overload, or my brain goes on strike and I can spend a whole day in a messy house and pretty much have nothing done 8hrs later, yet I feel like Ive not stopped.. "Oh I'll just put this away in that room and then, oohhhh look what i found *new tangent* maybe I can just see if *different direction* Oh I havent yet.. but.. isnt.. when did.. oh thats.. jesus christ.. what the!!!??????????? I cannot even finalise a simple task let alone a sentence or thought..


So instead of excusing myself or explaining my actions or having guilts based solely on outside influences, I took a mini life Hiatus.. Ive spent the last 2wks, helping my middle child *yes the disabled one* settle into life at primary school **Quiet jump for joy**, cleaning out, bagging up, chucking away, writing rosters, making calendars, buying washing baskets, anything in which I may actually may make my life run smoother.. Why? because my brain sure cant!!


I own 10 washing baskets.. yep, 10.. I love my ecclectic but easy way of 'tidying' my house.. I shared this tip with a girlfriend the other day, I'd actually forgotten to do this for the last few months, so it was a good reminder to myself when explaining to someone how to make their life easier, how I could do so again in mine.. Here's my life easier tip for you -:


Washing Basket Technique 101

*Every morning when I wake, I put on the kettle #1, whilst it boils I go and make every single bed in my house.. 

*After I've poured the water and am allowing my cup to heat, I go and put a washing basket on every bed, every couch, kitchen table, bathrooms etc..

*Next comes kids, make brekky and set them to graze for 10mins, I then walk into every room and throw every single thing out of place, clothes, books, you name it in the baskets until it is completely tidy except said basket.. 

*You may have a possible pile of dirty dishes and a possible pile of dirty clothes in each room.. Realistically it takes 2-3mins to do this in each room if not less.. 

*Once you have done this you should realistically have -: one made bed, clear floor/surfaces, one full washing basket of collected crap (and possibly a collection of dirty dishes and a pile of dirty clothes) in each room.

*I then wipe down ALL surfaces in the house.. and put the dirty dishes in sink or on bench, takes less than 5mins (do the dishes later or chuck them in to soak whatever).. I then chuck the cleaning cloth and dirty clothes from rooms into washing machine and put a load on..

*Once that's done, kids are usually finished eating so they get dressed and they either have their half an hour morning of TV or they find something to play with before school, preferably not the washing baskets.. And then I Vac..  The whole house..

*So now I have a tidy house with made beds, and clean floors/cleared wiped surfaces and my kids are fed/dressed.. And it takes me a grand total of about 30ish-mins..

Yes I have filled up washing baskets of crap to clean out, but either my (older) kids can take responsibility for their own or I will do them in 10min spurts during the day if home or just hit them after work.. and bam, I am not feeling quite so overwhelmed and flustered as when I first looked out at my hell hole..

I hope everyone is enjoying the return to norm, I mean school ;)

Until the morrow
Mama, Madly...

Do penguins have it right??

So I'm thinking about the "one" and who or what that may mean..


Did you know, Penguins mate for life.. Yes life..!!   
They find their 'one', their perfect fit and they stay together as mates for the entirety of their existence.. Until they die..!!!  
I know the movie 'Happy Feet' has romanticised it.. The penguins found partners who matched their 'heartsong', but it makes me wonder, is it really a meeting of souls?? or an animalistic urge to be mated off at the drop of a hat, and if so is this true for all species including Humans??


As I get older I've started to question this whole Marriage scenario... Not that its not a lovely dream, one day I would like to find myself in a position where I truely feel this desire to proclaim myself to the world that I am sincerely happy if not ecstatic to be binding myself to another soul for life.. Oh yes, I've toyed with the notion, I've made plans, chosen dresses, worn the diamonds, even colour schemed and set the scene, yet something in me shies away from actually going through the motions and bringing it all to fruition..


That in itself makes me wonder, why!? and am I actually cutting my nose off to spite my face..


Should I or anyone for that matter, just up and marry someone who is 'pretty good', 'ok', 'suits me', 'we used to get along', 'I loved them once', 'we have kids', 'is my best friend', 'It's too hard to leave', 'once upon a time' etc etc blah blah blah... Im not saying any of these are my situations but I do seem to hear alot of my friends say these things and to be honest it kinda scares me.. Is that it!?? seriously?? just do it "because"...


I want fireworks, and big bangs, all night conversations, tingles when we touch and the feeling that it cant happen soon enough.. but does that happen anymore? Do soulmates really exist or is it a notion borne of fairytales and generations of hopeless discontent.. Im not saying I want to be joyously happy all the time, but 98% isnt much to ask for is it?? Or is a real soulmate the one who is the best friend, who you can look like crap in front of, who knows all your evil ways and bad mistakes and accepts you for who you are?? and whilst they can only really make 75% of your time together perfect, it's more perfect for you than any non existent perfect 'One' could ever be.. Not to mention a better option than waiting around 10yrs for Mr or Miss.Perfect and getting so old and desperate that in actual fact 25% perfect actually starts to look pretty good..


I guess until I hit that aisle smiling I just wont know.... and these are the days of our lives....................


until tomorrow
Mama, Madly......

Sister, sister..

I have heaps of sisters, no really. I do.

My Dad has a few and my Mum has a few and together that makes heaps! Some I do not get to see as much as would be nice. but all of which I love just as much as the others..

I cannot go a day without sitting down, hot mug of steaming coffee in my hand, pick up the phone and have my daily 'crap talking session' with any one of my sisters.. Although in all honesty my youngest sister Emma and I seem to have the most 'empty' crap to talk about and we're both quite happy listening to each others inconsequential boring day to day garb about nothing and everything..

We have moments where we can sit on the phone, doing housework, talking to our kids, completely distracted and not talk, yet one or the other pipes up 'did you want me to go' there is almost a sigh of relief as the other one states 'Oh no, do you have too!!??' .. It's a strange phenomenon, this connecting without connecting, even over a phone line, Its a catch-up, a touching base, a part of our daily ritual that almost feels strange to miss out on.. Two days, and no call, no crap talk and either one will be on the phone "Hi stranger, whats going on? we havent spoken, its weird"..

I love my close family, I love we all see each other for special occasions and our kids have grown up being close, knowing each other, hanging out.. But there is something different in Sisterhood, inexplicable, which Im sure is the same for brothers.. Or even those friends who become family, like pulling on an old pair of socks, they just fit, "Soul sisters".. A nice comforting place to go to, one that makes you happy when you're not, solves your problems when you can't, or pulls you up and puts you in your place when you need it, without any residual bad feeling..

A few of us sisters caught up yesterday, a linen party.. Oh the joys of growing up into stepford housewives LOL, but it really was a great day, because we were there, talking shit and you walk away and just "feel good"!!! Dont get me wrong, there have been moments of torment, and hair pulling and name calling and bitch slapping, but the one point that I feel people do not pay much credence to is, Sisters, aside from parents, are one of the most important relationships in a woman's life..

Sisters or Soul-sisters are your first and your forever, best friends!! They are the one's who really do know you better than anybody else, will love you despite yourself, your faults or their own downfalls.. The Ones you know if at any stage you really need it, they will dance with joy next to you, or sob with sorrow at your losses and most importantly hold your hand in the moments that do not have words, yet your hearts still speak to each other..

So on that note, I pay homage to my sisters and soul-sisters alike.. I just love you.

Mama, Madly....

Dear Eamon..

I have been really busy all week, running around arranging my kids.. School goes back in two weeks, and with that so begines my littlest mans schooling career, and what a journey it has been..

I havent spoken about my son really, but I wanted to share this letter I wrote to him last year with you, a leter about this journey and how amazing he is.. I only hope other Mums and Dads out there in similar situations read it and find a piece of hope in their heart -:

Dear Eamon,

To my beautiful little boy Eamon Lewis,
This is a letter to you my beautiful little man, on the eve of what will be your first step into something very normal.. Something that we all take for granted, that we assume will happen for our children without a second thought..

Tomorrow is the first day that you will walk into a 'normal' school and you will participate in the "Step Into Prep" program.. Tomorrow may be just another day to many parents but tomorrow is for me so many emotions rolled into one I cannot even describe it's meaning.

Eamon, tomorrow you start preparations to begin primary school next year, something that for the first year and a half of your life we were told would never and dreamed would never be a reality for you. A dream we never thought would come to fruition, a dream I cried for many long nights, only praying that one day it would be your reality.

I do not think I have ever met anyone with such amazing determination and strength of spirit, you amaze me every single day. You have survived the unsurvivable, 22 strokes, degenerative epilepsy and what will be a life long battle with Hemiplegic Cerebral Palsy. You lived when they said you would not, walked when they said you could not and learnt more than I ever dreamed possible.. Tomorrow is a dawning, another notch on your amazing journey through life, tomorrow you in effect begin school! Not really until 2011, but its still a beginning!!

And whilst I know it may be a long and hard journey my babe, and as you get older and others realise your issues differentiate you from the crowd, please hold in your heart what I do everyday; You are phenomenal in every move, every word, every breathe, every thought you make and everything you do. Be proud of who you are and how far you have come, because I couldn't be prouder, and I definitely couldn't love you more than I do..

I love you my little bug, have an awesome first experience with school. You made it!!

~ The butterflies have begun in my tummy but I know he will be ok...
and now that everything is finally settled and sorted, not only can we say 'bring it on', I might actually be able to sit and write too :D

Mama, Madly...